What Made 30-year-old Estranged Couple Open Heart to Each Other
Everyone has a beautiful dream of their marriage, not excepting me. In the past, I thought: My family is fairly well-off, I have a good job, and my looks is not bad. So, I must find a partner who is my equal in conditions in every way. Only such marriage is blissful and abundant.
However, things backfired on me and my parents arranged for me to marry a country girl, who had no job and was normal-looking. Compared to what I had fancied the wife, she fell far short. I thought to myself: If I really get married to her, how will my relatives and friends look at me? It is too embarrassing. Then I didn’t agree to marry her for love or money. But my parents just took a liking to her, and my father even said to me with anger, “If you disagree, we’ll never pay any attention to you in the future!” In the end, I couldn’t contend with them, and I had to marry this girl in haste. Facing my disagreeable wife, I could only sign and resort to drink every day, and nobody could experience the bitterness and resignation involved but myself.
Whenever in the society of my friends, seeing that their wives were elegant, whether in looks or in temperament or in manners, and that the couples were well suited, I would get upset. Sometimes, the friends I knew well asked me, “Why did you find a partner who is a country girl and has no urban residence certificate?” After hearing this, I would feel all kinds of mixed feelings and didn’t know how to feel. Although my wife was quite able, good-tempered, and filial to my parents, just because she wasn’t my equal, I gradually became increasingly unsatisfied with her. At times when I came home from drinking alcohol, I would get roaring drunk—scolding and finding faults with her, and smashing things. But she merely endured all this quietly and didn’t get angry. My parents couldn’t bear to see what I had done, so they rebuked me, “What a virtuous wife she is; how can you treat her this way?” I replied huffily: “Humph, since you think her to be nice, then you can be with her!” Seeing me taking such an attitude, they felt very helpless.
Since I always looked down upon her, my wife also lived a very painful life. I had ever seen many times her shedding tears alone in private. But even as such, my heart wasn’t influenced and only because of my parents and child, I had to live with her. In this way, we passed through over 30 years of painful life in bewilderment. In name, we were husband and wife, but in reality, we felt like strangers.
In 2016, I accepted God’s work in. Through frequently gathering, praying, and reading God’s words with my brothers and sisters, I understood some truth. One day, I saw that God’s words say: “One encounters many people in one’s life, but no one knows who will become one’s partner in marriage. Though everyone has their own ideas and personal stances on the subject of marriage, no one can foresee who will finally become their true other half, and one’s own notions count for little. After meeting a person you like, you can pursue that person; but whether he or she is interested in you, whether he or she is able to become your partner, is not yours to decide. The object of your affections is not necessarily the person with whom you will be able to share your life; and meanwhile someone you never expected quietly enters your life and becomes your partner, becomes the most important element in your fate, your other half, to whom your fate is inextricably bound. … In these myriad marriages, humans reveal loyalty and lifelong commitment toward marriage, or love, attachment, and inseparability, or resignation and incomprehension, or betrayal of it, even hatred. Whether marriage itself brings happiness or pain, everyone’s mission in marriage is predestined by the Creator and will not change; everyone must fulfill it. And the individual fate that lies behind every marriage is unchanging; it was determined long in advance by the Creator.”
I fathomed the meaning of God’s words, and could not help but recall my views on marriage. In the matter of marriage, I always had my own requirements; that is, I just wanted to marry a partner who was suited to me in all things like work, looks, and so on, and let her become my lifelong companion. I thought only such a life to be a contented married life. But the fact was that my parents chose my future wife who simply had hold a rural household registration and was normal-looking. She was completely out of line with my standards for choosing a spouse, so I resisted, refused to obey, blamed my parents, and looked down upon my wife all the time. And even I tried to end this “wrong” marriage by getting roaring drunk and scolding my wife senselessly. Nonetheless, the more I tried to break free from it, the more I suffered. Now, I understood: It turns out that who is my wife is already predetermined by God and it is something no one can change. It looked as though my parents arranged my marriage, but in reality, this was God’s ruling and arrangement. The one who is suited to me is not necessarily able to accompany me all my life and our marriage is unlikely to be happy. For example, my younger brother and his wife fell in love at their will and they were well matched, but less than a year after marrying they were suspicious of each other and within a couple of years, they got divorced. Now, I realized: Outwardly, my wife and I were incompatible, but really she was good enough for me. She was virtuous, able, tough and very kind to my family. Also, she took great care of me, did not let me care a brass farthing for the housework, and even when I lost my temper after drinking, she still indulged me, forgave me and endured me, making me have a complete family. In addition, no matter how late I came home from work exhausted, she would always keep a light burning for me, reserve a delicious meal at the table with a suitable temperature, and show great concern for me with the words of consolation and care. All of these wereand blessing for me, and His arrangements for me are the best.
Afterward in a gathering, I sought from my brothers and sisters, saying, “God has arranged a marriage for me in the best possible way, but I all the time lived in pain. What’s the source of this? ” At my question a sister let me read two passages of God’s words, “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him.” “What is the cause of this pain? Is it because of God’s sovereignty, or because a person was born unlucky? Obviously neither is true. At bottom, it is because of the paths people take, the ways people choose to live their lives.”
Then, she said, “God’s words expose the root of the problem. The reason why we are discontented with our marriage, thus living in pain is that we don’t know God’s domination or obey His arrangements, and always want to find a partner who is to our liking. Influenced by some erroneous viewpoints that Satan teaches us, such as ‘A couple should be suited to each other,’ ‘A talented scholar and a beautiful lady are a perfect match,’ and so on, we believe that these are the standards of happy marriage. In fact, these are the tricks that Satan uses to deceive us into defying God’s mastery and predestination. What appearance and positions we have can’t decide whether our marriage is happy or not. Rather, the most important thing in marriage is that he or she should be nice and our confidant. For instance, some couples are well matched, but they don’t confide in each other, so they can’t get along for a long time or gain happiness; some are not quite suited to each other on the outside, but they are confidants, so they can live with each other. Therefore, if we don’t know God’s ruling and can’t see through Satan’s schemes, then we’ll live in pain.”
After hearing God’s words and the sister’s fellowship, I kept nodding in agreement and said, “Yes! After this fellowship, I understand that I was just harmed by the viewpoints of Satan, so that I did not obey God’s ruling and arrangement. As a result, over 30 years I’ve always looked down upon my wife, been full of miscomprehension and moaning, and signed over my life, and thus lived in suffering.” After understanding these truths I felt a great release and was no longer that pained.
One day, my wife asked me: “Have you believed in God?” I replied joyfully, “Yes, I have.” And then, she said, “I’ve already believed in God for several years.” At her words, I was taken aback thereupon and asked puzzled, “Well, why didn’t you tell me that?” She explained in a worried tone, “I was afraid that you wouldn’t accept, so I daren’t tell you that; I could only let the brothers and sisters preach you the gospel. Never thought you did accept it. I really thank God!” And she added, “Now you’ve also believed in God. Let’s read God’s words together.”
Then, we saw God’s words say: “Look, at the beginning, it is possible that a husband and wife might not understand each other very well, because they haven’t ever lived together and didn’t grow up in the same family. After living together for several years, they will have gotten used to each other, and locked horns a few times. But if you are both of normal humanity, you will always commune the words within your heart to him, and he to you. Whatever difficulties you have in life, the problems in your work, what you’re thinking in your heart, how you plan to sort things out, what ideas and plans you have for your work or children—you’ll tell him everything. In that case, are the two of you especially close to each other, and especially intimate with each other? If he never tells you the words within his heart, and does nothing but bring a paycheck home, and if you never speak to him of the words within your heart, and never confide in him, then is there not a distance between the two of you in your hearts? There surely is. He is distant from you, and you from him, because you don’t understand the thoughts or intentions in his heart. Ultimately, you cannot tell what kind of person he is, nor can he tell what kind of person you are; you don’t understand his needs, nor does he understand your requirements. If people have no verbal or spiritual communication, there is no possibility of intimacy between them, and they can’t provide to each other or help one another.”
My wife said, “God requires us to live out the normal humanity and open our heart and communicate with each other. Only in this way can we have no estrangement. During the long years of our marriage, I haven’t known what’s in your heart and we have never had a heart-to-heart talk. Even if you wanted to say something, you didn’t tell me but just went out to have fun and drink alcohol. As a result, we both lived in great pain.” Then I said with excitement, “Thank God! In the past, I had noand didn’t understand the truth, so I looked down upon you, always went out for drinking, and then got roaring drunk after I came back home, bothering and scolding you. All of these indeed did a lot of damage to you. I’m no good for you. Now, I’ve understood that, we could become a couple, which was already determined by God; I should obey and shouldn’t resist Him.” My wife said happily, “Today, we can open our heart and speak the words within our heart to each other. It is really the result of God’s words on us. God is so almighty. Thank God! Since we both have believed in God, then we must diligently seek truth and perform our duties well to satisfy Him.” After hearing her words, I also smiled with pleasure.
Now, we not only can open our heart to each other, but can understand and care for each other. I will tell her whatever I will do when going out, and she will also tell me everything. At home we can talk over whatever problems there are, and I actively do whatever jobs there are. Once she goes out to do her duties, I will cook at home. After believing in God, we get on well together and the long-awaited laughter emerges in our family.
Through reading God’s words, I realized that family and marriage are ruled and arranged by God, and I also changed my views about marriage. Meanwhile, I also realized how Satan corrupts man and saw clearly the source of pain in my life. It was God that saved us, the estranged couple. All the glory be to God!