By Liu Xiao
I was born into an ordinary family in the 1960s and led an especially hard life. Since a young age, my mother told me, “When you grow up, you must find a decent husband who is rich and has a skill and a house. Only in this way can you live a good life and you won’t suffer from poverty like us.” I kept my mother’s words in mind. I had my wish granted when I married my husband who was skilled, possessed a house and didn’t owe any debts. This really made me suffer less in the 1980s. I believed that the reason why I could have such a good marriage was because I was able to find a good husband. Since my daughter was born, I had been intending to set the standards for her future marriage, not letting her endure hardship.
In a blink, my daughter grew up and got into university. I was worried that if she found a partner whose family was poor and who had neither money nor a house in the university, she would go through a lifetime of suffering. So, every time she came back home, I would exhort her, “Although you’ve grown up, you still cannot see through many things and have no experience in them, so you mustn’t be in love at university. You can look for a mate at least after graduating from university, and must let me check on him for you. If you don’t listen to my words, you’ll meet hardship and annoyance. When I married your dad, he had a house and didn’t have any debts, so I didn’t suffer many hardships. In the future, I’ll help you find a partner who has ability, allowing you to have a rich and happy life, and then I’ll stop worrying.”
It was really “When a child is grown up, she will not do as her parents say.” Though I often dinned in her ears about this thing, she still secretly found a boyfriend in the university. Because she was afraid that I would disagree, not until the year of her graduation did she tell me. The moment I heard it, I asked nervously, “How do you feel about him?” She smiled and said, “He has good character and often helps me with my study. We get along with each other. I know you like someone who is tall, but he is a little short, so I dared not tell you.”
I saw that my daughter looked favorably upon the boy. His height was definitely a problem, but the thing I was most interested in was whether his family was well off. I then hurried to ask, “Does his family have money? Will his parents buy a house for you?” My daughter said unhappily, “I don’t know. His elder sister and he are at university and their tuition was paid by the loan.” Hearing this, I said in an anxious voice, “They took out loans to pay their tuition. Was this because his family had no money? If so, are they able to afford a house? You bring him back our home soon, and I must ask him whether he can afford a house. If he cannot, I won’t agree to let you marry him to suffer hardships. If he fails to reach my requirements, I need to inform him beforehand of forgetting about your marriage.”
My daughter finally brought her boyfriend back home in the winter vacation. Although less than 1.7 meters in height, he was neither stout nor thin, and looked quite kind and polite, and what’s more, he spoke truthfully and wasn’t insolent. My first impressions of him were comparatively good. It was just that I didn’t know how the economic condition of his family was.
That day, I entertained him to a sumptuous meal. During the meal when we were making small talk, I quickly talked about the things I wanted to know, saying, “I heard from Xiaomin that your elder sister’s and your tuition was paid by the loan.” He said, “Yes, Aunt. My family condition isn’t good. My parents ate and dressed simply to send us to university, suffering greatly. My elder sister and I also endured much suffering from our childhood.” Hearing that he lived in a poor household, I thought: How could I let my daughter marry you? Consequently, I quickly spoke out the thoughts in my heart, “Yes! As parents, all we have done is for our children’s own good. We are completely content to save on food and expenses no matter how painful or exhausting it is, hoping that our children can get into university and have a bright future. We also want Xiaomin to marry someone whose family condition is better than ours, letting her live a good life. Nowadays, the requirements for marriage are: A man must have a car and a house and must give some jewelry to the woman he is to marry. We don’t ask for anything else besides buying a house. At the very least, you’ll have a settled residence in the future. Your tuition was paid by the loan, and then can your family afford a house when you get married? If you cannot, we won’t let Xiaomin marry you to endure suffering in your family.” I thought that he would feel self-abased and give up after hearing my requirements, while I never imagined not only did he not suffer blows, but he said confidently, “Aunt, don’t worry! I’ll work hard to earn money to buy a house.” After hearing his words, I didn’t say anything, yet, in my mind, I thought: Saying this with such certainty now is of no use. If you can afford a house then, I’ll give my daughter to you. If you cannot, you won’t take our daughter for yourself.
After the boy left, my daughter said, smiling, “Mom, compared with him, I’m really a blessed child.” I said, “Yes! It is because you’ve never endured suffering that I don’t agree to let you marry him to suffer hardships. Do you think he can afford a house according to his family condition?” My daughter replied firmly, “My marrying him isn’t because of a house, but because he is a good man.” From her words, I felt she insisted upon marrying the boy. So I became even angrier, but I suppressed my anger and said to her, “Regardless of what you say, I won’t consent to this marriage if he cannot afford a house. I’m doing this for your own good, in order not to let you suffer hardships in the future. Why don’t you show any consideration for my heart of a mother?” Facing my telling-off, she just responded to and resisted it with silence. No matter how I persuaded her and said, she showed no inclination to giving up.
Seeing that she was firm about it, I thought: It seems that I have to be heartless. I would rather let you temporarily complain to me than let you marry a boy who doesn’t have a house. Then I said to her seriously, “No! I firmly don’t consent to this marriage. If you don’t listen to me, I won’t make arrangements for your wedding nor give you anything. You just go with him and never come back. I don’t have a daughter like you!” I never thought that I had gotten all the way to this point, while not only was she not convinced, but she firmly said, “Mom, I can listen to you in everything except my marriage. No matter how his family condition is, I’ll marry him. Regardless of whether we are rich or poor in the future, I won’t complain to you.” After hearing her words, I became something like a leaky balloon, completely coming to my wit’s end. I, anxious and angry, didn’t know what to do for the best.
Just when I was worried about my daughter’s marriage and didn’t know what to do, I suddenly remembered during a gathering, a sister fellowshiped that no matter what problems we met in real life, we should pray to God and that God can solve our all difficulties. At the thought of this, I felt I found my support, so I quickly knelt before God to pray to Him, “Oh God! Facing this thing, I have no idea what I should do. May You enlighten and guide me to know how to deal with this matter. Oh God, marriage is one of the most important things in life and should be decided by parents. But no matter what I say, my daughter always doesn’t listen to me, and she insisted on marrying that boy. May You help me know what I should do.”
After the prayer, I opened the book ofand found the following statements, “Marriage is an important juncture in a person’s life. It is the product of a person’s fate, a crucial link in one’s fate; it is not founded on any person’s individual volition or preferences, and is not influenced by any external factors, but is completely determined by the fates of the two parties, by the Creator’s arrangements and predeterminations regarding the fates of the couple.” “A marriage is not the product of both members’ families, the circumstances in which they grew up, their appearances, their ages, their qualities, their talents, or any other factors; rather, it arises from a shared mission and a related fate. This is the origin of marriage, a product of human fate orchestrated and arranged by the Creator.”
After reading God’s words, I finally understood: It turns out that everyone’s marriage is ruled and predestined by God and is arranged according to a shared mission of the couple. It won’t be changed because of their personal ideas and choices, much less be influenced by their parents’ wills. This is precisely fate that people often say. It’s not us, her parents, who have the final say over what kind of life partner my daughter will find, and her boyfriend’s appearance, height, abilities and family condition are also not for us parents to decide. As parents, we can give children some advice and positive guidance on their marriage, but the final result is determined by God. However, I always wanted to rely on myself to dominate and administer my daughter’s marriage. Don’t I really overestimate my abilities and bring trouble on myself? In the past, I didn’t know everyone’s marriage is arranged by God’s hands, and often thought that I had much life experience, knew a lot about life and considered things even more thoughtfully than my child, so I always wanted to control my daughter’s marriage. Therefore, when her boyfriend didn’t have a house, which wasn’t in line with my will, I then refused my consent to the marriage. When failing to persuade my daughter to change her mind, I even threatened her with severing my relationship with her, causing us two to live in much pain. Carefully pondering God’s words today, I finally realized: My views were wrong. Everyone’s marriage is ruled and predestined by God rather than being arranged by anybody.
I was grateful for God’s enlightenment and guidance. Having understood this, I felt very relieved and didn’t feel so much pain. The following days, many times, I prayed to God and entrusted Him with my daughter’s marriage. I didn’t know whether this boy was my daughter’s other half predestined by God. If he was my daughter’s partner predestined and arranged by God, I was willing to obey. If he wasn’t, they would eventually break up. So I just let nature take its course. Gradually, I could put aside my daughter’s marriage, not interfering too aggressively.
One day in November of 2014, I received a call from my daughter and she said her boyfriend’s parents would come to our home to discuss and fix the wedding day with us. Hearing this, I realized: They will get married. It seems that the boy is really my daughter’s future husband arranged by God. Then I calmly accepted it. Very quickly, we met and fixed the time for the wedding with the boy’s parents. But they never spoke of buying a house, so I still couldn’t help but have some misgivings in my heart, worrying that my daughter would endure suffering after getting married. After we saw the boy’s parents out, I tossed and turned all night, unable to fall asleep, thinking: If his parents can buy a house, after getting married, my daughter just need to earn money to cover daily expenses. If without a house, she will have to make money to buy one. And thus, won’t she endure suffering? At the thought of this, I lived in pain and torment again. Then I came before God and prayed again, “Oh God! I’m satisfied with my daughter’s marriage in every respect except that they don’t buy a house. This makes me live in pain and confusion again. Oh God, may You enlighten and guide me to have a path to walk.”
After praying, I saw God’s words saying, “Why don’t you commit them into My hands? Do you not believe in Me enough? Or is it that you’re afraid I will make inappropriate arrangements for you? Why do you always miss your home? And miss other people! Do I occupy a certain position in your heart?” God’s words made me see my little. I just understood theoretically that God is presiding over everyone’s fate. I said with my lips that I was willing to obey God’s sovereignty in my daughter’s marriage, while in reality I still had my own requirements. When seeing they really didn’t buy a house, I still had some worries, thinking that without a house, my daughter wouldn’t live a happy life in the future. I saw my faith and obedience toward God were nothing but talk. God’s words also comforted my anxious heart: Yes, why did I not place my daughter’s marriage entirely in God’s hands? Why did I bring trouble on myself? Since I believed in the dominion of God, I should let God reign as King within my heart and believe what God arranges for us is the best; rather, my own imagined marriage might not be happy.
Then I thought of some people around me. Many of them led a rich life but ultimately divorced because their husbands had affairs. Although they got money, they were still not happy. However, although some couples’ families were not wealthy, they could be considerate of and take care of each other, living a blissful and abundant life. So, everyone has his own fate and no one can decide it. My worries and misgivings were in vain. The wisest choice was obeying God’s sovereignty. Thank God for His guidance! After understanding this, I no longer brooded on whether my in-laws would buy a house. Instead, I entrusted everything to God and submitted to God’s arrangements. At this moment, I felt particularly peaceful and at ease.
Later, my daughter got married. Her parents-in-law didn’t buy a house, and she lived with them. The whole family all treated my daughter very well. My son-in-law, in order to keep the promise he made to me, worked very hard and took good care of his family. From my daughter’s expression, I could see that she was very happy and joyful. Through my experiences, I realized: We parents cannot rule our children’s marriage. Whether they are happy is not decided by money. Only by obeying God’s sovereignty and arrangements can we break free from worries and pain and live under the blessing, care, and protection of God.
In fact, there should be no supplementary conditions to marriage itself. What God rules and arranges is the best. When I truly gave my daughter’s marriage into God’s hands and obeyed God’s rule and arrangements, I saw that my whole family were delighted every day. I knew this was all God’s blessing. I experienced that only God’s words are our direction for walking, and that only by acting according to God’s words will we live happily and be without worries or anxiety. God is the truth, the way, and the life. Only God can save us and lead us to walk the right way of human life. Thank God! All the glory be to God!
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