By Li Ai, Italy
In early 2003, when I was pregnant for nine months, my baby suddenly was unexpectedly stillborn. This bad news caused my whole family to sink into pain. I desired to bear another one yet feared to lose it again. And thus I suffered from postnatal depression.
In 2006, my mother and sister saw me living in pain, so they testified to me of God’s kingdom . To my surprise, my illness was cured unknowingly. One year later, I, who was not barren for several years, unexpectedly bore a boy baby. The birth of my son made us family immerse in happiness …
In March 2007, I took my son, who was less than fifty days old at the time, to visit my parents. They were fairly fond of my hard-won child and asked after his health with deep concern. But a few days later, there was something wrong with him. Usually, he liked smiling; but that night, he said nothing. Seeing that he wanted to cry but no tears came out, we family burned with anxiety and hurried to call a doctor. The doctor came and used a thermometer to measure his temperature, then said to us: “Your baby is so small that he can’t take medicines. Let him take some anti-inflammatory drugs and see how he is.” After taking some drugs, he didn’t get better at midnight, and even had a high temperature and fever. In pain and helpless, I came before God and prayed to God: “Oh, God! You are omnipotent. I put my son’s illness in your hands, and look up to you. May you watch over him and protect him.” After the , I thought of : “Almighty God, the Head of all things, wields His kingly power from His throne. He rules over the universe and all things and He is guiding us on the whole earth. We shall often be close to Him, and come before Him in quietness; never shall we miss a single moment, and there are things to learn at all times. The environment around us as well as the people, matters and objects, all are permitted by His throne. Do not have a complaining heart, or God will not bestow His grace upon you.” That was the fact. It is God who rules over universe and all things. What happened today was in God’s hands, as well. Also, what my son’s condition would be was ruled by God. Without God’s permitting, nothing would happen to Him. Then, I prayed silently to God in my heart, asking Him to protect me from complaining about everything I met. Gradually, I calmed down a little.
Later, after discussing, we decided that my mother and I took my son to the town hospital at 4 o’clock. After we arrived at the hospital, the doctor gave him a careful checkup and made a diagnosis, then the doctor said: “Now, your baby has developed a 104-degree fever, which may also accompany many other diagnoses. The technology and equipment of our town hospital are not complete. You need to get to the county hospital quickly.” Hearing this news, my mother and I were petrified. I thought: It is 5 o’clock now. There is no bus to county. And if there is a bus, it will spend two hours getting there. My baby has already been tortured sleepless for a night; could he bear another few hours? What if his illness gets worse and the doctor isn’t by our side? If something happens to him, how could I survive in the future? My mother read my thoughts and then held my hand, saying: “Don’t worry, my child. We have God with us! Believe that He will help us. All things, living or dead, are governed by God. Let’s pray to God and rely on Him!” Hearing mother’s words, I thought in my heart: Right! We still have God. God controls the universe and all things. Isn’t my son’s life or death controlled in God’s hands? Therefore, I and my mother came before God and pray to Him together once again. After the prayers, I remember God’s words saying: “Therefore, only when you have faith and you do not harbor doubts toward God, only when you have true faith in Him no matter what He does will He enlighten and illuminate you in your experiences, and only then will you be able to see His actions. These things are all achieved through faith, and faith is only achieved through refinement—faith cannot develop in the absence of refinement. What does faith refer to? Faith is the genuine belief and the sincere heart that humans should possess when they cannot see or touch something, when God’s work is not in line with human notions, when it is beyond human reach. This is the faith that I speak of.” From God’s words, I understood that whether the environment was good or bad, it is when we cannot see or touch it that our is required. But, look at me, when everything was going well, I had faith in God and obey Him, and no matter what the environment was, I was willing to stand testimony for Him. Whereas, when the environment was not in line with my will, I was full of fear and unease, losing faith in Him. The facts revealed my stature was really small. Actually, the true faith was that no matter what the environment I confronted with, or whether it went against my will or not, I would stand testimony for God without doubt. This made me think of Abraham of that time. Although he didn’t understand , he could suffer pain and give up that which he loves, and offer his only son to God. When he took the knife to slay his son, God’s will revealed to him. God didn’t let him kill his son, but promised that his offspring would be as plentiful as the sand. Compared with his faith in God, I was really far behind him. At this moment, I realized a little of God’s will that He wanted me to keep faith in God in such circumstances and rely on him and look up to him. After knowing that, I was gradually not so nervous as before.
A few hours later, we arrived at the county hospital safely. The doctor soon examined my son thoroughly and then allowed us to see the CT scan. It showed that my son had started showing symptoms of double pneumonia. The doctor saw my son was so quiet and said surprisingly: “The baby is very resilient.” Hearing this, I thanked God from the bottom of my heart: It is not because my baby is strong enough, but because God is watching over and protecting him. Then the doctor added: “It is common that one lung is inflamed, but unexpectedly both his lungs are affected. If you came any later, his lungs would turn black, and he would be in trouble. Besides, he body temperature gets too high. And the fever is most likely to burn up his brain. He needs to be hospitalized for urgent treatment.” Hearing what the doctor said, my heart flied into my mouth again only after a short relaxation. I became worried: My son is only less than two months old. If his lungs deteriorated and turned black, and the fever burned his brain, then his whole life would be affected. What should he do? When I was living in worry and fear, I thought of a passage of God’s words: “Faith is like a single log bridge, those who cling abjectly to life will have difficulty in crossing it, but those who are ready to sacrifice themselves can pass over without worry. If man has timid and fearful thoughts, they are being fooled by Satan. It fears that we will cross the bridge of faith to enter into God. Satan devises every way possible to send us its thoughts, we should always pray that the light of God will shine on us, and we must always rely on God to purify us from Satan’s poison. We shall always be practicing in our spirits to come close to God. We shall let God have dominion over our whole being.” God’s words helped me see through Satan’s trap. Thinking about myself, I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering to unthinkable places upon hearing bad news. I was afraid that if my baby’s lungs turned black and his brain burned, his condition would get worse. Didn’t I have true faith in God? I tortured myself over this matter, leaving me weary in body and mind. That was Satan’s trickery and harm. In fact, what the condition of my baby would be and whether or not it would get worse, is not up to the doctor. He couldn’t determine how the disease of my son would develop. For everything is ruled over by God. I was willing to look up to God, entrust my son to God and no longer worried.
When I relied on God, looked to God, and entrusted Him with my son, I truly saw God’s wondrous deeds: The high temperature of my son was come down that night; and double pneumonia got well after he took some medicine for a few days.
After this experience, I deeply realized that when we were in illness and felt helpless, as long as we prayed to God, He would enlighten and illuminate us to understand His words, guide us to get over the difficulties, and help us at any time. From this experience, I had much more faith in God, and had some knowledge of God’s omnipotent and sovereignty.
Later, my son caught an acute cold. His temperature quickly rose to over 104 degrees. Sometimes it was hot and sometimes cold. He took some medicine prescribed from a clinic, but it didn’t work. We had no choice but to go to a traditional Chinese medical hospital. The doctor noticed that my baby’s condition was severe, and then took him to the emergency room to take blood test. Just at this moment, my son’s eyes were rolled back and he was breathing his last since he was so tired and couldn’t have borne to be drawn blood once again. Seeing he was dying, I was anxious to cry and shout: Doctor! Help! Please save my son. Please save my son. … At that moment I was nearly collapse. Just when I was in suffering and felt helpless, I suddenly remembered God’s words: “Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well. If you have but one breath, God will not let you die.” God’s word was like a straw, which made me dare not leave God even a minute. Man is incapable and only God can save man. Without God’s permitting, my son wouldn’t die. When I called on God in my heart, the doctor rushed to press the Renzhong xue(an acupuncture point, the area below the nose and above the upper lip), and my son, whose eyes were rolled back in his head, regained consciousness and suddenly cried out. Seeing that he was saved from the jaws of death, my mother and I were so excited that we held the baby and cried, thanking God unceasingly in our heart.
From the two experiences, I realized how helpless and insignificant we humans were in the face of tribulations. At the same time, I conformed to my heart that only God rules over our life and death. Just as God’s words says: “The heart and spirit of man are held in the hand of God, and all the life of man is beheld in the eyes of God. Regardless of whether or not you believe this, any and all things, living or dead, will shift, change, renew, and disappear according to God’s thoughts. This is how God rules over all things.” From my experience, I truly understood the real meaning of God’s words and experienced God’s authority personally, that is, God rules over all things. Everything, living or dead, was dominated by God. And we, as creatures, should submit to God’s sovereignty, rely on God and experience the environment around us in real life. Only then could we have a deeper understanding of God’s authority, and have more practical knowledge of it.
Since my son experienced these two sicknesses, he no longer got sick easily and could dispense with hospitals. Moreover, he was in good health during the time of his growth. I knew this was God’s guidance and salvation. Thank God from my heart.
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