Who Can Reconcile the Relation Between Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law?

by Qimiao

A well-known saying is “Every family has a hard nut to crack.” One of the hard nuts is the relation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This relation is difficult to deal with, which is acknowledged by most people for several thousand years, not excepting my family.

My mother-in-law lost her mother from her childhood and didn’t get much maternal love. Moreover, she lost her husband in her middle age. She suffered a lot all her life. As her daughter-in-law, I thought I must show my filial obedience to her and let her get some comfort. I bought her good quality clothes and shoes for the Spring Festival. At ordinary times, I was good to her in life as possible as I could. During that period, we were on friendly terms. Afterward, because I was a textile worker, faced with low wages and tiring work, and my husband’s unit was also depressed, I thus wanted to resign and rent a shopfront to do business along with my husband. My plan for resignation was strongly opposed by my mother-in-law, for she thought I was a regular staff, and I would not be guaranteed for my life in the future if I quitted the good job. But I went my own way and resigned. From then onward, she always brushed me off, didn’t love my child as much as before, and often gave me a long face.

The relationship between us was more and more awkward, so my husband and I bought a new house and moved into it when my child was just one year old. Once, I took my child to visit her specially. In the yard, I happened to meet her. However, she treated me very coldly, wouldn’t like to say more words with me and walked away. Seeing her attitude toward me, I was very angry and thought in my heart: I regarded you as my own mother. I didn’t think that you hadn’t put me in your heart at all. Just because of my resignation, you are dissatisfied with me all the time. Until now, you still don’t want to see me, neither do I want to see you again. I’ll go!

When my child was three years old, my father was in hospital. I intended to care for my father in the hospital in the evening, so I sent my child to my mother-in-law’s house in advance and asked her to take care of my child for one night. However, it was not too long before she brought my child back to me. In the evening, before I went to the hospital, I sent my child to her again. Seeing her giving me the cold shoulder, I felt a little angry and then I put down my child and went downstairs. My child went after me downstairs, crying. I had to stop my steps. However, she didn’t come out after a long time. I picked up my child and went away angrily. At that time, I extremely hated her and thought: I had no idea that you treated me like that again and again. If you fall ill later, I won’t look after you by then. You are heartless toward me first; I will be unkind to you in the future! Don’t blame me for my cruelty at that time!

Several years later, my husband’s elder brother got married and had his child. My mother-in-law not only cooked for them, but also helped them to look after their child and do the school run. Her series of conducts deeply offended my heart: My sister-in-law and I are both your daughters-in-law, yet you treat me so differently from her. You truly show partiality to her. I was filled with jealousy and hostility, and swore in my heart: I will never reenter your house.

Subsequently, at every festival and at New Year, my husband would take my child to visit my mother-in-law, while I would stay at home alone, feeling quite desolate and lonely inside myself. I thought: I merely want to live harmoniously together with all of the family. Why is this simple happiness an extravagant hope for me? Why does she treat me so unfairly? Why can’t I possess a harmonious family? At this point, I couldn’t help but brim over with sad tears. I felt living in this world was too painful!

In January, 2013, I accepted God’s work in the last days. I read God’s word, sang songs, fellowshiped about the truth with the brothers and sisters and led the life of the church. I saw God’s words, “Adam and Eve created by God in the beginning were holy people, which is to say, whilst in the Garden of Eden they were holy, untainted with filth. They were also faithful to Jehovah, and knew nothing of the betrayal of Jehovah. This is because they were without the disturbance of the influence of Satan, were without Satan’s poison, and were the purest of all mankind. … In the beginning, man had the breath of Jehovah, and was not the slightest bit disobedient, and had no evil in his heart. At that time, man was truly human. After being corrupted by Satan, man became a beast: His thoughts were filled with evil and filth, without good or holiness. Is this not Satan?” Man created by God at first were holy, uninfected with filth. At that time, there was no loathing or enmity among them, and they lived in the Garden of Eden blissfully and joyfully. After having been corrupted by Satan, we human became selfish and contemptible. No matter what happened to us, we always consider our own benefits and never care about the feeling of others. In addition, we fight both openly and in secret for our own advantage. Meanwhile, we pursue the Satan’s life principle “I just pay you injustice for your heartlessness.” Thinking back, after my mother-in-law and I spilt on my resignation, when seeing that she became unkind to me, I thought that it was she who had done something unsatisfactorily. So I was full of hatred for her and even thought viciously that I wouldn’t look after her when she fell ill later on. When she didn’t treat my sister-in-law and me fairly, I showed more hatred to her, began to carry out the principle of “I just pay you injustice for your heartlessness” and took revenge on her by completely ignoring her. It turned out that all this resulted from the Satan’s life principle, so that I was deceived and fooled, lived in hatred and tortured myself, unable to enjoy the warmth of the family. After knowing this, I was willing to lay my hatred for her aside. Nevertheless, when facing the realistic conditions, I sensed that I had been deeply corrupted by Satan and that it was not easy to put myself aside.

followship God’s word

In September 2013, both my mother-in-law’s house and ours were confronted with being pulled down. My mother-in-law let my husband and her daughter come back to consult with her elder son and his wife about the problem of her house property. She thought both we and our elder sister had houses and thus decided to give her house to her elder son, so the house would be in her elder son’s name. Hearing this thing from my husband, I said in a fit of pique, “It’s your family’s business. None of my business.” However, my heart was in great turmoil and I thought: Will more than fifty hundred thousand yuan really belong to her elder son? Aren’t we her son and daughter-in-law? How can she be so partial? It will be fine if she gives us even ten or twenty hundred thousand yuan. Since she gave all to her elder son, when she is old and ill in the future, we won’t look after her. Owing to this matter, I was resentful and often vented my anger on my husband. Afterward, when the brothers and sisters knew it, they helped me patiently and fellowshiped with me. I saw God says, “The Chinese nation which has been corrupted for thousands of years has continued on until today. All sorts of viruses continue to expand and are spreading everywhere like the plague; just looking at people’s relationships is enough to see how many viruses are in people. It’s extremely difficult for God to develop His work in such a tightly closed and virus-infected area. People’s personalities, habits, the way they do things, everything they express in their lives and their interpersonal relationships are all broken beyond belief and even their knowledge and their cultures have all been condemned by God. Not to mention the various experiences they learned from their families and society—these have all been judged in the eyes of God. This is because those who live in this land have eaten too many viruses. It seems to be business as usual for people, and they think nothing of it. Therefore, the greater the corruption of the people in a place, the more improper their interpersonal relationships will be. There is infighting in human relationships—they plot against and slaughter each other as if that place were a man-eat-man city of demons. …” From the revelation of God’s words, I understood: Today, because my mother-in-law gave her elder son the house property worth several hundred thousand yuan, I felt thrown off balance. Even I planned not to support her when she was old, so as to avenge myself on her. In the revelation of the fact, I saw that the relation between us was established on the foundation of dealings and profits, without the slightest bit of understanding and love that should have existed among family members. Once my interests incurred a loss, I couldn’t help bursting out my selfish and based satanic nature, which resulted in my living in hatred and being harmed and tortured by Satan. When realizing this, I began to detest the satanic disposition in me and was willing to depend on God to extricate myself from the bondage of Satan, live out the reality of the truth and glorify God.

In my search, I saw God’s words, “In your daily lives, you live in an atmosphere and environment without truth or good sense. You lack the capital for existence and do not have the foundation to know Me or the truth. … Nevertheless, I wish for all who follow Me to receive My salvation and the truth My word bestows upon man.” “This truth is the life disposition of normal humanity, which is to say, that which was required of man when God created him in the beginning, namely, all of normal humanity (including human sense, insight, wisdom, and the basic knowledge of being man). …

From God’s word, I got it into my head that God is the truth, the way and the life. The word that He expressed can act as our principles of conducts and the foundation of our survival, and can lead us to get away from the corruption and bondage of Satan and to live in the light. Thinking back, I didn’t gain the truth as life, so I got on with my mother-in-law by satanic poisons and corrupt disposition, falling into the whirlpool of hatred and feeling more and more bitter. Now I was aware that only if I live by God’s word and get along with others according to God’s requirements, can I have a good relation with my mother-in-law. Under the leadership and guidance of God’s word, I felt that I had the way to practice. I had confidence in defusing the contradiction between us by relying on God.

It was just before the Spring Festival. As usual, my husband asked me, “Will you go to our mother’s house with me this year?” His word touched my heart. Since I swore an oath that time, I hadn’t stepped into my mother-in-law’s house for eight or nine years. As far as I was concerned, I already forgot what the atmosphere of the Chinese New Year reunion was. Faced with my husband’s inquiry, I didn’t want to live like before, but I couldn’t lower myself. Then I was quiet before God and sought. At the moment, I thought of God’s words, “Everything that happens to people is when God needs them to stand firm in their testimony to Him. Nothing major has happened to you at the moment, and you do not bear great testimony, but every detail of your daily life relates to the testimony to God. If you can win the admiration of your brothers and sisters, your family members, and everyone around you; if, one day, the unbelievers come, and admire all that you say and do, and see that all that God does is wonderful, then you will have borne testimony.” As a believer of God, I shouldn’t put to shame God in all things, but should practice the truth and stand testimony for God in everything in daily life, so that people around me could see from my living out that God’s work can indeed change people, and thereby they can praise God’s great power. Thinking of this, I laid down myself and promised to go with my husband. On Chinese New Year’s Eve, we took our child and went to my mother-in-law’s house. Unexpectedly, when I practiced in accord with God’s words, my mother-in-law also changed. She was very happy to see me and also let my child bring me something to eat from time to time. I felt the rift between us was being healed gradually. I no longer bothered myself about her not dividing the removal expense to us, feeling much relaxed and pleasant. I knew this was God’s guidance, and that it was God who saved me from the misery.

In November 2016, my husband’s elder brother and his wife stirred up a debate with my mother-in-law. She was so angry that she wanted to rent a house to live on her own. My husband and his elder sister didn’t agree, for she was already in her seventies and they couldn’t be at ease to allow her to live outside alone. My husband wanted her to live with us. I thought: In the past, while I needed her help, she didn’t give me a hand. Now when she is old and can do nothing, she thinks of me. I was unwilling to accept her. However, I thought of God’s words right away, “In believing in God, if man desires transformation in his own disposition, then he must not detach himself from real life. In real life, you must know yourself, forsake yourself, practice the truth, as well as learn the principles, common sense and rules of self-conduct in all things before you are able to achieve gradual transformation. If you only focus on the knowledge in theories and only live among religious ceremonies without going deep into reality, without entering into real life, then you will never enter into reality, you will never know yourself, the truth, or God, and you will always be blind and ignorant.” God’s words awoke me. In order to pursue transformation in my disposition, I needed to pay attention to practicing the truth in the things happening in real life and to betray myself, and only in this way can I be changed progressively. Having understood this, I was ready to betray my malicious intention and accept my mother-in-law sincerely, and thus I agreed with my husband.

After she moved to our house, she said to me, “I am old now and can do nothing. Your brother and sister-in-law dislike and avoid me, and pushed me out. I’m comforted that you have filial piety. …” Later, not until she said something to me from her heart did I know that she actually had us in her heart. I was so much moved.

Before the Chinese New Year, seeing that I caught a chill and kept coughing, she took heed of me. When she heard that a medicine called salted Chinese cabbage had a good effect on cough, she hurried to buy it for me. I experienced that her solicitude for me was true. This made me feel: When I practiced with my willingness in line with God’s words, the surroundings around me changed and my mother-in-law had true solicitude and care for my family. At last, we put down years of bias and became one family where we helped and cared for each other genuinely.

After this experience, I tasted the true meaning of the following God’s words, “The more you give up and set aside, the more peaceful will your heart be and the more space will open up within it, and the more your condition will improve. The more you struggle and compete, the darker will be your condition; try it if you don’t believe it. If you want to turn around this kind of condition, if you want not to be controlled by these things, then you must first set them aside and give them up. The more you struggle, the more darkness will surround you, and the jealousy and hatred within your heart will increase….” When I practiced according to God’s words and learned to put myself aside, I was free in spirit, and peaceful and at ease in heart. Simultaneously, I truly experienced that God’s work can really purify and change people. Only when we human who were deeply corrupted by Satan experience judgment before the seat of Christ in the last days, can we have a knowledge of the fact that we were corrupted by Satan, and thereupon separate ourselves from the bondage of Satan’s influence, and live out human likeness. Thank Almighty God for leading me to break free from the abyss of pain, letting me have a harmonious family filled with cheerful chatting and laughing. It is God who helps me remove the estrangement between my mother-in-law and me.

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