By Kemu, Malaysia
In 2009, I got married and left China to live with my husband in Malaysia. Because the strange circumstance made me lonely, I seldom went out. A year later, I had my first daughter and tasted the happiness of being a mother. Looking at the baby in my arms, I told myself that she was my whole expectation, and that I would love her, bring her up, and make her grow happily. Later, I had my second daughter and youngest daughter. Despite hiring a nanny, I still did many things myself. Sometimes when my daughters were ill and wanted to eat porridge, even if I was dizzy that I didn’t want to get up, I still would cook the most nutritious porridge for them. Afterward, I taught them to sing, speak a foreign language, and paint. In particular, my eldest daughter liked playing the piano and the teacher also said she was a natural at the piano, so I specially spent $10,000 R.M. buying a Japanese piano for her, hoping she could cultivate her interest.
As growing up little by little, they became somewhat willful and difficult. For example, they liked eating ice cream. Because I was afraid that eating too much ice cream would make them catch a cold or have sore throats, I didn’t let them eat that, and then they would cry and scream. At meals, they three often chased each other. It made me so angry that I bawled at them to sit down to have their meals. What made me even angrier was my eldest daughter’s behavior. I spent MYR 10,000 buying the piano for her, but she always loved having fun. When I didn’t watch her, she would not practice. Thus, I often snapped at her by this. Gradually, my kids thought I was scary, and were unwilling to get close to me. But when my husband got home from work, they would run to him and even complain to him that I had rebuked them. Seeing this scene, I was even more heartbroken. I also wanted to treat them well, but it was no use lecturing and beating them, so what could I do? I hoped they could regard me as a good friend instead of treating me like this.
One day, after taking them home, I asked them to drink some water, take a shower, and then play the piano. When I cooked up, they still were playing, turning a deaf ear to my words. I was so angry that I beat my eldest daughter, hitting her and yelling: “I’ve spent so much money letting you learn the piano, but why are you so worthless? I’m so busy every day, and where can I find so much time for being with you?” Later, although she sat down to play the piano in tears, she looked at me with a rebellious expression. I sat behind her and watched her, involuntarily being in tears. At the thought of her expression, I was worried and sad, because I feared that she would be rebellious in the future, but I just didn’t know how to educate my kids well.
In June of 2016, I went back to China with my second daughter. My sister preached the gospel of the kingdom of Almighty God to me and told me that only Almighty God’s work incan purify and transform us, and that as long as we practice according to God’s words, we can live out a normal humanity. Because at that time I didn’t have much knowledge of Almighty God’s words, I doubted in my heart: Can Almighty God’s words improve the relationship between my daughters and me? Because of time, I returned to Malaysia soon. After returning, I contacted the brothers and sisters of the Church of Almighty God and lived a church life.
Afterward, through attending meetings and reading God’s words, I had a little knowledge of the fact that Satan corrupts us humans. After being corrupted by Satan, we have satanic corrupt disposition. When we live based on it, we become more and more arrogant and self-righteous, and don’t have a bit of normal humanity. Besides, there isn’t a normal relationship even between parents and children. According to the needs of us corrupted people, in the last days, Almighty God expresses the truth of saving and transforming us. So long as we put God’s words into practice, we can be freed of our corrupt disposition and get along with each other normally. Then I often prayed to God to change me. However, after a period of time, I found that I still often got angry involuntarily. I was troubled: When can I have a change? Thereupon, I fellowshiped with the brothers and sisters about my confusion and difficulty, “Sister, I’m very troubled. I hope to speak heart-to-heart with my kids just like friends without barriers. But they often are disobedient. Every time when I reason with them patiently, if they still are disobedient, I will reprimand or beat them. I want neither to be angry, nor to beat or yell at them, but I really have no idea what to do.”
A sister fellowshiped with me, “It’s natural for parents to educate children, but we often educate our children with a kind of corrupt disposition—beating, yelling or being angry to rebuke them. These all are dominated by our intentions. God’s words say, ‘Regardless of whether one becomes angry in the sight of others or behind their backs, everyone has a different intention and purpose. Perhaps they are building up their prestige, or maybe they are defending their own interests, maintaining their image or keeping face. Some exercise restraint in their anger, while others are more rash and flare up with rage whenever they wish without the least bit of restraint. In short, man’s anger derives from his corrupt disposition. No matter what its purpose, it is of the flesh and of nature; it has nothing to do with justice or injustice because nothing in man’s nature and substance corresponds to the truth’ (‘God Himself, the Unique II’). God’s words reveal the root of our anger. That we become angry is to control children, and let them listen to us and do according to our wills. When they disobey us, in order to maintain our identities, status and image, we’ll get angry involuntarily. Besides, because they impinge our face or benefits, or because their not studying well in school makes us lose face before teachers, we’ll become angry to express our dissatisfaction. Well, no matter what the cause is, it is hot blood and naturalness. In fact, God expresses His words mainly to transform our satanic disposition, but not to prohibit us from educating kids. If children do something wrong, we should discipline them, but we can’t rely on our corrupt disposition to do so.”
Not until I listened to sister’s fellowship did I understand. It turned out that God wanted to transform my corrupt disposition, but didn’t let me have no temper. However, I always focused on the outward actions, because I thought a good man shouldn’t be angry, but be always patient and calm in all things. Thinking back, I always was angry because my children turned a deaf ear to my words. Besides, because I wanted them to fear me, I would lecture them so as to make them listen to me. Sometimes the teacher said my daughter didn’t study hard on the piano. I considered that I had spent so much money, time and energy on educating her, while she not only didn’t study hard, but also lost my face, which made me even angrier. At the time, I knew that the reason I got angry was that I wanted to build up my prestige before them. Furthermore, it was because they had impacted my interests and face that I released my corrupt disposition and always used my status to lecture them. All of these were the result of Satan’s corruption of me. Having understood these all, I began to pray to God and asked Him to change me so that I wouldn’t live based on my corrupt disposition.
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