Good Way to Deal With Interpersonal Conflicts For Christians

By Gao Jie

In the southeast corner of a vocational school, two snack vendors, surrounded by a crowd, were abusing each other just for a little profit, and neither of them were willing to give way. After a while, their husbands joined in the argument, and one of those who watched the fun said gloatingly, “Hurry, fight! Fight!” Unknowingly, someone called the police. Then a police car came ten minutes later and four policemen got out of the car. They took a statement from the people involved and asked them to pack up their stalls right away.

At this sight, Gao Jie was overwhelmed with all sorts of feelings and she thought about one thing that happened to the sisters and her several days ago …


At 1:30 in the afternoon of that day, Gao Jie and Kexin were waiting for an old sister at the school gate. After 20 minutes had passed, the sister did not show up yet. Having a look at her watch, Gao Jie said, “Kexin, I heard that there is another school nearby. Maybe she has mistaken the appointed place and is waiting for us at the wrong one. I have a lot of stuff with me, so would you like to go and see if she is there?” “No. I don’t think that’s gonna happen. I certainly did tell her to take the No. 7 bus, so she would definitely not get off there,” answered Kexin with complete confidence. After a while, the old sister still didn’t come. Gao Jie grew anxious and said to Kexin again, “You’d better go to that school to see if she’s there. Despite that you have told her where she should get off the bus, she is unfamiliar with this place. So, could it be that she was mistaken?” But Kexin firmly held her opinion, “That’s impossible, because I have told her in detail and asked her to get off right here. It can’t be wrong.” When Gao Jie heard the words, she murmured in her heart, Ah, how could Kexin be so arrogant? Time went on. It was past 2 p.m., nearly an hour after the appointed time, but they still didn’t see the old sister. Gao Jie asked Kexin again to go and see; then Kexin unwillingly rode her electric-bike to that school. Before long, she came back with the old sister. Gao Jie thought in her heart at that moment, “See! I was right! I had asked you to go and see if she was there but you didn’t listen. Now you are convinced, aren’t you?”

After they got to the destination, when handling affairs, Gao Jie was still thinking about the matter which just happened a moment ago. At that time, she remembered God’s words, “If you can learn lessons from everything that happens around you, from the way you are treated by the people and things around you, and from the issues and environments you encounter every day, then you will mature and will enter onto the right track.” “Where do you start, if you want to attain the truth? (From everything that happens around you, big or small.) Start from the things around you, learn how to learn these lessons, learn to seek the truth, seek the truth within these lessons, seek the truth within the people, matters, and things around you, and seek God’s will; only by doing this can you attain the truth.” Yeah! God requires us to learn lessons from the people, matters, and things around us and to seek God’s will from them. So, what lessons should I learn from this matter? At this time, Gao Jie couldn’t help thinking what she had thought in her mind then: When I asked Kexin to go to that school to look but she refused several times, I was impatient and even considered her to be arrogant; when the final result was the same as what I thought, I was pleased in secret: See! Aren’t I right? I told you so yet you wouldn’t listen.” Actually, I was fixating my eyes on her, so I just saw her problem. I considered her arrogant while feeling myself better and above her in every aspect. Didn’t it reveal that I was too arrogant? If I allowed it to continue, I would only become more and more self-conceited and show less respect for others. Later I need to show my ugliness before the sisters.

After finishing the affairs, Gao Jie mentioned what just happened. She said, “Let’s have a heart-to-heart talk with each other. First I will lay myself open to you. Kexin, you see me, this arrogant person. I’m so arrogant that I always want others to obey me in all matters encountered by them. Several times when I told you so yet you didn’t listen, I would define you as arrogant; when it turned out that I was right, I was self-satisfied. What I expressed was absolutely the arrogant satanic disposition. The Lord Jesus said, ‘And why behold you the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? … first cast out the beam out of your own eye; and then shall you see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother’s eye’ (Matthew 7:3-5). God also says, ‘Because man has accepted the evil, arrogant, and malicious nature of Satan, inevitably in man’s interpersonal relationships there is often conflict, often arguments and incompatibility, which is created as a result of Satan’s arrogant nature’ (‘God Himself, the Unique V’). The Lord Jesus told us not to fixate our eyes on others, but to reflect on ourselves in all things and solve our own problems first. However, I didn’t follow His words, but always fixated my eyes on and found faults with others. What I expressed and lived out was the image of Satan, without any likeness of a real human. Moreover, God’s words have dissected the root of man having arguments and often conflicting with each other. It is because we are dominated by our arrogant and self-conceited satanic nature after being corrupted by Satan that we often express disobedience and dissatisfaction, unable to get along with others. This matter happening today was the revelation and salvation of God for me, making me know the actual truth of my having been corrupted by Satan. In the future, I am willing to practice God’s words in all things.”


Then Kexin also blamed herself, “The work of God is so practical. Through the revelation of today, I saw that I am really too arrogant and self-righteous to accept others’ suggestions easily. God’s words say, ‘In believing in God, if man desires transformation in his own disposition, then he must not detach himself from real life. In real life, you must know yourself, forsake yourself, practice the truth, as well as learn the principles, common sense and rules of self-conduct in all things before you are able to achieve gradual transformation’ (‘Discussing Church Life and Real Life’). In the past, I only remembered God said, ‘In believing in God, if man desires transformation in his own disposition, then he must not detach himself from real life.’ However, when i faced something, I would treat it according to my notions and imaginations. If God hadn’t exposed me today, I would continue holding the view that I was not arrogant and was able to obey God when things befell me. Only through the revelation of this fact did I see my deficiencies. I always insisted that I was right when things happened, being too confident and opinionated. In the future, I will pay attention to bringing God’s words into the real life to practice them, maintain a heart of fearing and obeying God in all things, learn to let go of and deny myself, listen to others’ views modestly, betray my arrogant nature consciously, and learn to obey the advice that is correct and in accord with truth.”

At that time, the old sister added, “Alas! I’m arrogant as well. When Kexin told me the address that day, she worried that I might remember it wrong, so she asked me to write it down. But I kept on saying, ‘No, no, couldn’t I remember such a little matter? No problem at all.’ I’m to blame for what has happened today; I’m too confident and stubborn. I should have listened to her words, so you wouldn’t have had to wait so long.”

Recalling the scenes that the sisters all dissected and understood themselves in the meeting and that those unbelievers in God argued, making no concession to each other, Gao Jie couldn’t forbear sighing from her heart, “It’s really good to believe in God and have the leading of God’s words! Under the guidance of God, we all know our own corrupt disposition of Satan according to His words, whatever we face, we will no longer argue with each other! How different the two states are!

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