Before we establish our own family, each of us dreams of having a happy family where husband and wife adore and respect each other. The dream is beautiful while the reality is disappointing. I was just an example. My marriage was once not as happy as I wanted it to be. My husband and I often quarreled because of the trivialities of the home or our different life habits. Our love was worn off by the trifling matters and the flatness of life. Just as a song goes, “It is easy to fall in love yet hard to get along with each other.”
Before marriage, I was very confident that I could get along well with my husband, because we adored and understood each other. But after we got married, various problems emerged. We would quarrel when we had different views on how to deal with things. For instance, sometimes when I was doing housework, my husband often found fault with me, saying I shouldn’t do in this way or that way. In the beginning, although feeling unconvinced in my heart, I would still keep silent outwardly. But gradually, faced with his constant nagging, I started to retort, “Well, I am wrong. So what is right? You think I’m not doing well. Then do it yourself!” Such few words really stopped his nagging, but there followed a long embarrassing silence. I knew he sulked, but I couldn’t put aside my self-respect to communicate with him. As a result, the quarrel ended in several days of cold war. Sometimes, I was also fussy about him. For example, I was often dissatisfied with his dressing; I resented that he didn’t care about his personal hygiene and that he couldn’t speak well before others. Having had a bellyful of my complaints, he would blame, “You are a neat freak; you are too picky….” Anyway, we would have some friction every once in a while.
I was perplexed over my married life, so I asked some relatives and friends who had been married for many years for advice on handling family conflicts. Some advised me to be tolerant because “Compromise will make a conflict much easier to resolve”; others told me to fight for myself because everyone bullied the weak and feared the strong. I had tried their advice, yet they were of little avail: When I tried to hold back and didn’t quarrel with him, I felt angry and depressed in my heart, as if I suffered a big loss; when I argued with him, he would yell at me and then our relationship became increasingly strained. After several failed attempts, I knew none of man’s advice could help me fundamentally resolve family conflict. I couldn’t help thinking: Why couldn’t we get along well with each other? Who can help me solve the problems in my life?
Later, my friend preached the gospel to me and I had the fortune to become a Christian. Through reading God’s words, I gradually knew the root of why people couldn’t get along with each other in harmony. God’s words say: “Because man has accepted the evil, arrogant, and malicious nature of Satan, inevitably in man’s interpersonal relationships there is often conflict, often arguments and incompatibility, which is created as a result of Satan’s arrogant nature.” From these words, I had an awakening: It is because my husband and I both have an arrogant nature that we often quarrel. Dominated by the arrogant nature, we generate some Satan’s rules of conduct, such as “bullying the weak and fearing the strong,” “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,” and so on. Influenced by these rules, our humanity becomes more and more abnormal. As the novelty of marriage wears off, our shortcomings are gradually exposed, and so is our arrogant disposition. Dominated by the arrogant disposition, we are always dissatisfied with each other in many aspects and frown upon every way the other act; we always think that our own opinions are correct and want to make the other do according to our will. As a result, no one obeys the other, which leads to more conflicts and a more depressing and uncomfortable life. Driven by the arrogant disposition, no matter how much we love each other, we will constrain each other and fail to get along in harmony after living together for a long time. Without a change in our arrogant nature, we would constantly live in pain.
Fortunately, today God comes to do the work of salvation to cleanse us and change our satanic dispositions, of which the main one is the arrogant disposition. Having found the cause of my family conflicts and known my satanic dispositions are loathed by God, I resolved to seek a change in my arrogant disposition, but I knew that I couldn’t truly transform it only by myself and that I needed God’s help. Just as God’s words say: “If people are to understand the truth, and to clearly see the truth, and if, furthermore, they are to enter the truth, and put it into practice, they must actually train, actually search, and actually hunger and thirst. When you hunger and thirst, and when you actually cooperate with God, God’s Spirit will surely touch you and work within you, which will bring you more enlightenment, and give you more knowledge of reality, and be of greater help to your life.” From God’s words, I came to know: to resolve my arrogant disposition, I should have a strong desire for God, praying to and rely on God more, and should practice the truth to satisfy Him. Because only in this way could I obtain; once God works to help and lead me, it would not be difficult for me to transform my disposition.
Having knownand demands, I tried to practice the truth and betray myself. When there were divergences between my husband and me, I would pray to God to help me so that I would not live in arrogant disposition or rely on my hot blood but view things objectively. If his opinion was right, I would try to deny myself and do as he said; if he was wrong, I would not lecture him, but quieted my heart and communicated with him, telling him my thought to get his understanding. Gradually, there was no longer quarrel but long-awaited laughter and joy between us. In the past, when I asked him to do something, he paid no heed even after I urged him many times. But later when I didn’t ask him to do this or that but did what I could both inside and outside of the house, he actually started to help share some burdens of housework with me voluntarily. Afterward, he not only helped me but asked my opinion actively. Thus, our relationship became more and more harmonious and it was much easier for us to get along with each other. I couldn’t help but sign: It is so incredible. The truth really can change everything. As long as we live before God, relying on His words, our humanity and rationality will become more and more normal, and so will our interpersonal relationship. Only the truth can solve all of our problems and difficulties, change our corrupt disposition which we can’t change on our own, lead us to live a new life with God, and make us live more and more relaxed, released and free.
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