I Finally Walked Out of the Shadow of Domestic Violence

By Qin Ruisheng, Taiwan

I was born into a wealthy family in Yuchi Township, Taiwan. My father used to be a frogman of the army and also a skilled carpenter, who should have had good prospects. But because my family had worshiped evil spirits for many generations, he later became a sorcerer. Whenever encountering a matter, my neighbors would come to ask my father to practice planchette, during which he would drink alcohol. Gradually, he became addicted to alcohol and fooled around all day long, and thus my family owed a heavy debt. Afterward, creditors often came to my house to collect debt, and once they couldn’t get what they want, they would beat my father. Unwittingly, my father became violent and frequently beat us. Fearing that such an environment was not good for our growth, when I was two years old, my mother secretly brought us four children to Taipei to turn to my aunt, who was a Christian. There we met many Christians and with their assistance we quickly settled down.

a boy carrying a heavy backpacks

However, before long my father found us; worse still, he became more violent. I still remembered that after drinking, he often beat my mother. And I was so afraid that I hid in the room, not daring to even exhale. After he left, my mother lay on the floor, bruised and battered. Seeing this, I felt extremely painful but could only stroke my mother’s head in tears. I couldn’t figure out why my father became like this. Once, my older sister argued with my father, for she could not bear his violent behavior; and then she was beaten viciously. At that time, I, too young to stop my father, could only hide myself in the corner shivering with fear; I squeezed my eyes shut and clapped my hands over my ears, but still could hear his curses. This matter intensified the fear in my heart. Later when I got a little older, I received the same “treatment” from my father. I remembered when I was six, I once threw all the toilet paper into the toilet, which made it clogged up. Seeing this, my father got very angry and forced me to fish the paper out of the toilet. After I did as he said, he used a steel brush to brush my hands like crazy, saying, “The toilet is dirty. If I don’t cleanse your hands, they will breed worms.” I felt extremely afraid and dared not resist, and could only let him torture me at will. In the end, my hands were excoriated, which made me feel a searing pain. At that time, my siblings and I were all very afraid of my father. As long as he came back, we would become very nervous, and my youngest brother would even jump with fear. As my father became more and more violent, the fear in my heart continually increased. Once he even wanted to kill my mother with a knife; luckily, the police arrived and stopped him. After witnessing these, I could not help asking myself, “Is he really my father?” Later, due to my father’s abnormal behaviors, the court mandatorily divorced my parents. After my father moved out, our life gained some peace.

To avoid my father, we moved around a lot. But no matter where we moved to, he would find us. Then he would cry and beg for my mother’s forgiveness, promising that he would reform himself. There was a period of time when he did have some changes: He found a job and started to earn money; he often took us to have barbecues and bought delicious food and amusing toys for us; he even tucked us in at night. It was the first time that I had felt the fatherly concern, and I really hoped that such happy days could last forever. But before long, he started to drink and beat us again. Finally, my mother could only call the police to drive him away. The wish for a happy family was dashed, and I became solitary and self-abased. During my whole childhood, what my father brought to me was nothing but endless pain.

Later, my father died of cirrhosis, and our life finally became completely peaceful. But the memories of the past had cast a shadow over my heart, and I often wept when sleeping. However, in the depth of my heart, I wished my father had not left us. Even when he was about to die, I still prayed for him, hoping that he could reform himself and give me the real fatherly love. But this was just a dream that would never come true. After my father’s death, I became more withdrawn and silent. Every day, upon arriving home, I would lock myself in my room. Hearing the tick-tock of the clock, I felt even more empty and agitated. So many times did I think of suicide, but I did not have the courage, so I could only live in pain and helplessness. I prayed to the Lord as my aunt did, but since I hadn’t truly accepted the Lord as my Savior from my heart, all I got was just a trace of peace.

feel empty and agitated

In August, 2016, one of my middle school classmates preached God’s kingdom gospel in the last days to me. It was not until then that I truly accepted God as my Savior and started to believe in Him.

At my first meeting, brothers and sisters fellowshiped with me about the truth of God’s management plan of saving mankind and His two incarnations. Since I had little knowledge of the work that God had previously done, I was not clear about their fellowship; I just felt very fresh and was willing to listen. But somehow after coming home from the meeting, I got a headache. At first, I thought it was just a cold and didn’t take it seriously. At the second meeting, my brothers and sisters and I read a passage of God’s words, which say: “As man grows up, Satan’s gaze is fixed on every one of them, like a tiger eyeing its prey. But in doing His work, God has never suffered any limitations of people, events or things, of space or time; He does what He should and does what He must. In the process of growing up, you may encounter many things that are not to your liking, encounter illnesses and frustrations. But as you walk this road, your life and your future are strictly under God’s care. God gives you a genuine guarantee to last all your life, for He is right there beside you, guarding you and looking after you. … You are not devoured by Satan, so does this concern your safety, or not? This does concern your personal safety, and there can be nothing more important. Once you have been devoured by Satan, neither your soul nor your flesh belongs to God any longer. God will no longer save you. God forsakes souls like that and forsakes people like that. So I say the most important thing that God has to do is to guarantee your safety, to guarantee that you will not be devoured by Satan. This is pretty important, isn’t it?” (“God Himself, the Unique VI”).

Then a sister fellowshiped, “The substance of Satan is evil; it always wants to abuse us and devour us. What it brings to us is pain, disruption, and destruction. But no matter how evil and cruel Satan is, it cannot surpass God’s authority of sovereignty over all things. God not only guarantees our safety, but also arranges people, matters and things to guide us to make us come before Him step by step and receive His salvation.”

After reading God’s words and listening to the sister’s fellowship, I couldn’t help sobbing and then thought back to my own experiences. My mother once told me that because of the enormous mental pressure, she had thought of jumping into the sea with us four children to end the pain; but she then thought that we four were still young and had our futures, and thus changed her mind. Turns out that it was God that let my mother give up the thought of suicide. I myself also had thought of suicide many times for being fooled by Satan, and it was God that protected me so that I didn’t follow those thoughts. When we first came to Taipei, God used those brothers and sisters to support us and tide us over the difficulties step by step. Though I became solitary and self-abased because of domestic violence, I didn’t have any mental problem and my family still lived securely and healthily. When I thought of these, I couldn’t stop the tears flowing down my face and came to realize that God was right there beside me all the time. When Satan afflicted me, He protected and cared for me silently, saving me from Satan’s domain many times. His love for me was so real. Meanwhile, I also saw the wickedness and despicableness of Satan: It used various ways to afflict me and my family, making us live in pain and fear. At the thought of these things that God had done on me, I understood the painstaking care and thought that God put into saving me, and my heart became full of gratitude to Him.

Just when I decided to attend gatherings formally, my headache got worse. What’s more, as long as my brothers and sisters invited me to attend gatherings, I would get even more uncomfortable, feeling that there was a thick needle sticking in my left cerebellum. Because of this, there were several times that I wanted to reject their invitations. But every time I had that thought, I would have a feeling of reproach within me, and somehow I just felt the meeting was very important and that I must go attend it. So enduring the headache, I went to the gatherings. The wonderful thing was, my headache would go off when I attended gatherings, but once the gathering was over, it would recur. I didn’t know the reason and thought it would get better soon, so I didn’t tell my brothers and sisters about my headache.

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Later, however, my headache became more and more severe and I could hardly bear it, so I told this matter to my brothers and sisters. Then a sister sent a passage of God’s words to me. I saw God’s words saying, “God works, God cares for a person, looks upon a person, and Satan dogs His every step. Whoever God favors, Satan also watches, trailing along behind. If God wants this person, Satan would do everything in its power to obstruct God, using various evil ways to tempt, harass and wreck the work God does in order to achieve its hidden objective. What is its objective? It does not want God to have anyone; it wants all those that God wants, to possess them, control them, to take charge of them so they worship it, so they commit evil acts alongside it. Is this not Satan’s sinister motive? Normally, you often say that Satan is so evil, so bad, but have you seen it? You can only see how bad man is and have not seen in reality how bad Satan actually is. But have you seen it in this issue concerning Job? (Yes.) This issue has made Satan’s hideous countenance and its essence very clear. Satan is at war with God, trailing along behind Him. Its objective is to demolish all the work God wants to do, to possess and control those whom God wants, to completely extinguish those whom God wants. If they are not extinguished, then they come to Satan’s possession to be used by it—this is its objective” (“God Himself, the Unique IV”).

Then the sister fellowshiped, “Before believing in God, we lived under the domain of Satan, controlled and fooled by it; now we have come before God, but Satan is unwilling to admit defeat. So it tries every possible means, such as using the headache, to disturb us when we want to read God’s words or attend gatherings, through which it causes us to develop doubts toward God and not dare to attend gatherings, and thus to wreck our relationship with God; its evil goal is to prevent us from coming before God, so that it can continue to control us. Today, God permits this environment to come upon us to test our faith. We should believe in God’s authority. No matter how rampant and evil Satan is, it just serves to perfect us. So we should rely on God and stand testimony in this spiritual battle.” Through reading God’s words and listening to the sister’s fellowship, I realized that my headache was just one of Satan’s schemes meant to snatch me away from God’s hands. I must not fall for it. As I thought about this, I was filled with faith in my heart, thinking: I can’t allow Satan to prevail and must attend the gathering. Then I prayed to God, “O Almighty God! Through reading Your words, I have a great faith now. I determined to attend the gathering. But my head still aches much. I don’t know what I should do. O God! Please help me!”

To my great surprise, the next day, my head actually didn’t ache. I dared not believe it and feared that it would ache again, so I continued to pray to God in my heart. At the meeting, my brothers and sisters fellowshiped with me about how Job underwent trials. After hearing their fellowship, I knew that only through praying to and relying on God could I stand witness in this spiritual battle. No matter how Satan afflicted me and fooled me, as long as I truly relied on God and rejected it, I would surely escape from its bonds and stand witness for God. Thank God! From then on, my head no longer ached.

After a period of gathering, I gained some discernment about Satan’s evil substance: It uses various ways to fool, control, and afflict us, causing us to live under its domain worshiping it, and lead a life worse than death; its purpose is to devour us. I also understood why my father became so violent once he practiced sorcery and why he did so many brutal things that normal people could never do. It was because he was possessed by evil spirits and couldn’t control himself. Though he once repented and tried to reform himself, he could not escape the control of Satan and evil spirits, and was devoured by Satan in the end. If it were not for God’s protection, faced with the affliction of Satan and evil spirits, my whole family would have been devoured by Satan. After personally undergoing the trial of headache, I saw that God is indeed the only true God with authority and power, and that only He can guarantee our security and save us from Satan’s affliction. From then on, no matter what I encountered, I did not feel frightened anymore. Thank Almighty God for saving me!

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