From my childhood, I had had a romance with the open and blue sky, admiring the eagle soaring freely and easily in the sky, and dreaming that I were a bird soaring cloud-high and flying freely in the blue sky with eagles.
When I was little, the old taught me: “One’s destiny is in his own hand,” “Only knowledge can change one’s fate.” I kept these words in my heart silently, thinking that as long as I got into college, I could “fly in the sky.” To realize my dream, I studied hard, nipping all the possibilities that might let me off the rail in the bud. And then I became a good girl my parents were proud of, a good student my teacher could put their minds at ease about, and an example for my classmates to follow, as well as an object of my relatives’ praise. Although I had reaped some rewards of my hard work, I failed the high school entrance examination, and didn’t get into the key school I dreamt of. I felt helpless for the first time in my life, but I was unwilling to admit defeat. Then I chose a non-government funded high school and continued my struggle there. I spared no effort to study, firmly believing that through my struggle, I was sure to change my circumstance and alter my fate, and eventually “fly in the sky.” Nevertheless, fate played a joke on me; I didn’t live out my college dream in the end. For the sake of “the blue sky” in my heart, I still didn’t give up but got into a technical college and comforted myself: If I choose a good major, I could still find a decent job after graduation, and then “fly in the sky.”
Seeing my persistence, my mother advised me: “Every person’s fate is in God’s hand, and can’t be changed by knowledge. Come and listen to the word expressed by God.” But I never listened to her, and felt in my bones that someday I would change my fate and “fly in the blue sky.” After graduating from college, I stepped into the society to work with great passion, thinking that the chance to cut a brilliant figure and realize my ambition finally came up. But facing the cruel reality, I felt so small and helpless; the stress from work and life, like a frightful apparition, kept haunting me; it seemed that there was no place for me to survive in such a big city. Standing at the window, I looked out at those little people on the roads, seeing the nearby towering office premises, and then looked up to the sky which was no longer blue. At that moment, I seemed to be very close to the sky, but is this all I truly want? I couldn’t help sighing heavily: I have tried so hard to walk every step of my life well, but why does the reality strike my broken heart again and again?
I was fond of gazing at the sky as usual, but no longer harbored the soaring aspirations I had had before; yet, I still longed for the freedom of flying in the sky.
I was fond of gazing at the sky as usual, but was no longer passionate as before; yet, I still longed for the ease of the bird.
I once had the fancy of being free as a bird, and seeing all the flourishing scenes of prosperity of the vast world. Not until I had been through all of this did I come to know the complicatedness of this world. Time and again, I felt disappointed with what the fate had in store and tried to make some changes; time and again, I felt helpless after failure but refused to give up and continued to struggle. Finally, I completely failed like a bird lost its wings, and lost the way.
I, like a bird with both wings broken, no longer dreamt of “flying in the sky.” In the midst of pain, I heard the beautiful voice of God, knowing that my fate is in God’s hand, and realizing the source of my suffering. At that moment, the haze of pain in my heart was dispelled and I felt especially brightened. God’s words say: “if people cannot truly recognize the fact that the Creator has sovereignty over human fate and over all things of human, if they cannot truly submit to the Creator’s dominion, then it will be difficult for them not to be driven by, and fettered by, the notion that ‘one’s fate is in one’s own hands,’ it will be difficult for them to shake off the pain of their intense struggle against fate and the Creator’s authority, and needless to say it will also be hard for them to become truly liberated and free, to become people who worship God” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). God’s words awakened me from slumber. It turned out that I had been bound and constrained by Satan’s viewpoint that “one’s fate is in one’s own hands” with the result that I took every step with difficulty and my path in life was getting more and more arduous. I was unaware of the monstrous shackle on me, and kept struggling against fate, believing that as long as I worked hard, my fate would definitely be changed. Having walked through this road totteringly, I finally came to realize that all of this was merely my own wishful imagination.
The life course of everyone in the world has been arranged by God, and all matters and all things are controlled by the hand of the Creator. So how can I, a little man, exceed His sovereignty and authority? It turned out that it was my rebellion, bigotry, and disobedience that made me become utterly fatigued and live without release. God’s words say: “But when you truly know, when you truly come to recognize that God has sovereignty over human fate, when you truly understand that everything God has planned for and decided for you is a great benefit, and is a great protection, then you feel your pain gradually lighten, and the whole of you become relaxed, free, liberated. … your task is to lay aside your old view of life, stay far from various traps, let God take charge of your life and make arrangements for you, try only to submit to God’s orchestrations and guidance, to have no choice, and to become a person who worships God” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). God’s words showed me the way to ease my pain—laying aside my wrong view of life and values as well as the viewpoints that are incompatible with God, submitting to God’s sovereignty and predestination, and obeying His arrangement for my future path in life. So all I need to do is listen to God’s words, submit to His arrangement, and seek to become a person who obeys and worships God. Only this is the life goal I should pursue.
The sky is again blue and clear, and at length I came to understand: I have yearned for “the open sky” all along, but have been constrained and bound by various satanic thoughts; without the guidance of God, all my random fantasies and struggles could only bring me sufferings and make me lose my way. Today, under the provision and nourishment of God’s words, I have broken through the vague fog and found the way forward. I will let go of my extravagant desires, submit to and rely on God’s guidance, and begin anew under His protection. I believe that in this way I shall truly “fly freely” …
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