A Farewell to Fictions: I Am Free!
I used to be an obedient girl, having a happy and healthy life. But something happened broke it all up….
One day after class, I inadvertently heard my classmate enthusiastically talking about fiction and became very curious about them. Under my asking, one of my classmates told me: There are many types of fiction, like romance, humor, tragedy, comedy, fantasy, alternative history, and many other different kinds. After you read them, some will make you cry bitter tears and some will make you laugh out loudly…. After listening to what she said, I was beckoned.
After I reached home and finished my homework, I immediately downloaded a fiction application onto my phone. When I opened the home page, all kinds of cover pages came into view and made me dazzled. I scrolled up and down the screen and didn’t know which to choose. Suddenly, a book with a nice cover on the recommended page got my attention. I quickly opened it and my emotions changed on how the main character in the fiction feels. What the main character has encountered and other misfortune things made me feel immersed in the novel. An uncontrollable force seemed to keep me reading and the storyline attracted me to read from the start to the end….
From that day on, I became infatuated with fiction, my mind was always on them, and reading them became my “happiest” time every day. I often felt happy, sad, and worried for the love and hatred in the story; though I often burst into tears, I enjoyed it very much and would feel bored and restless without reading fiction. I even thought that studying was boring, worthless, and meaningless, and dreamed to be the main character of the fiction, who has a pretty face, a fantastic figure, and a perfect relationship, doesn’t have to worry about food and clothes, and has access to luxury places. How wonderful would it be! Only what the fiction says was the rosy future I longed for and the direction I wanted to take my life in.
During the summer break, my mom went out for work and I was particularly happy. Just like a bird in the cage who was set free, I chose to eat instant noodles rather than cooking just to finish reading the fiction in my hand. Later, I found out that washing dishes was also troublesome, so I changed all the packet instant noodles to paper bowl packages, which I could just throw away after eating. The same routine repeated itself every day. Afterward, since I read the fiction endlessly, my vision became blurry and I felt weak, always in the state of exhaustion. I realized I couldn’t continue behaving in that way anymore, and then came second thoughts: It must be the strong light from the phone that cause my vision to go blurry, so I only have to wear a pair of sunglasses; as my body is exhausted, I can just shorten the time of reading, and have an early rest. However, things went contrary to my wish and I couldn’t get rid of the temptation, still reading overnight. My vision became worse, my body exhausted, and I couldn’t even support my body, living in the pain of suffering….
When I felt exhausted and was unable to extricate myself, my dad came back home. When he saw my weak body and haggard expression, he worriedly asked me what had happened. I was afraid that my dad would scold me after he knew what had happened, so I refused to tell him at first; but seeing my anxious dad, I got up the courage and told him what had happened. Surprisingly, he did not blame or scold me, but took out and fellowshipped with me. We read the words God says: “The devil Satan does these things in order to lure people, to cause them to degenerate. For those who live in virtual worlds, they have no interest whatsoever in anything to do with the life of normal humanity; they are not in the mood to work or study. They are only concerned about going to virtual worlds, as though they are being enticed by something. … Satan uses this method to invent, fabricate and play out some stories, and then it deceives these simple-minded, brainless adolescents. … So while your stature is immature, you must do your utmost to give those things that can rot your heart and poison you a wide berth. Why is that? Because you currently have no discernment, are foolish and very brash and arrogant. The positive things equipped within your heart are so few, and you have no reality of the truth.” After reading the words of God and fellowshipping with dad, I started to know that I was addicted to fiction because I fell into Satan’s trap and cunning schemes: In order to confuse, entrap, corrupt us, and make us more degenerate, Satan makes up many untrue stories, in which are portrayed some prefect characters and fantasy worlds to make us worship and pursue. Just like those tragicomic love stories, martial art fiction, and alternative history stories, etc. After we read them, we will look upon those main characters, admire their happy life, love relationship, and their special abilities, and what’s more, we also imagine that one day we ourselves can be just like them, can travel between dimensions, live a happy life, and have strong kung fu. We unknowingly start to worship them. When we are engrossed in fiction, the characters inside them and the storylines will grab our heart, and we can’t even control our emotions, not satisfied with our simple and quiet life. What’s worse, when I was infatuated with fiction, I lived in fake worlds, separated from the real world, and not interested in school and life. I even thought that food and sleep were unnecessary and would reduce my time on reading fiction. It was obvious that I didn’t lead a normal life at all! I became so depraved and this is all because of Satan’s harming. It uses fiction as a tool to deceive and tempt me. I can’t fall into its trap again. I said firmly to my father, “I will delete the application and stop reading fiction.” After hearing me say that, he was very happy; we prayed together and I made my resolution before God.
The next few days, under the guidance of God’s words, I didn’t feel like reading fiction, and when I felt happy that I controlled myself from reading fiction, a temptation came. One day I was bored. When I thought about the past, my feeling toward fiction rose in the heart, an idea came out of my mind: “Read it! Read it! The fiction is so good, it’s ok to read for a while.” But then I thought: “If I read it, God will be unhappy. I prayed to God that I’d not read fiction again, if I read them, isn’t it lying to God? God likes honest people, He doesn’t like liars, I should decide not to read.” When struggling about whether to read or not, I didn’t overcome the temptation, so I started to read. I never expected that I’d read until two o’clock in the morning.
The next day, I felt exhausted, dizzy, and distracted, and all my mind was full of the fiction story. Realizing I failed to keep my promise by reading the fiction and lied to God again, I felt reproachful. I read some words. God says: “Before someone has gained the truth, their stature is too immature and these things outside are able to hook them very easily, and their hearts find it difficult to quiet down, their hearts are not under their own control. If you are unable to gain the truth, your heart is not your own; whose is it then? It’s being controlled by Satan, not by you.” God’s word revealed everything: I have no truth and can’t overcome my sins. Although it is my heart but I can’t control it, I can’t withstand Satan’s temptations. Living under Satan’s domain, I was controlled by my corrupt disposition, with no freedom at all. If I continue, I will be back to my old self, stuck in the fiction again. I was scared that I’d live with no human likeness like before, so I used my own method to restrain myself. But after some time, temptation came again and I involuntarily followed Satan. In agony, I pray to God: “O God! Please save me, I don’t want to be controlled by Satan, bound by Satan, I just want to be an honest child; but I can’t do it by myself, I have no clue.” Thank God for hearing my prayer, and then I read the words God said: “No matter how great or small their stature is or what their personal environment is like, something that they cannot be without is looking to God and relying on God in all things; this is the greatest wisdom. … When you trust God as though He were the last straw that you clutch onto to save your life, when you hope God will help you, only then is your heart sincere. Though you may not have said much, your heart has already stirred. That is, you give your true heart, your sincere heart to God, and God listens. When God listens, He sees your difficulties, and He guides you, enlightens you and helps you.” God’s words touched me: God is always by my side, waiting for me to turn back. He didn’t ask me to make great claims, or give Him empty vows and praises. All God wants is just my sincere heart, which can truly rely on and look up to God to break free of Satan’s bondage and control. After understanding God’s earnest heart of saving man, I felt motivated, full of faith. I believe if I rely on God there is nothing cannot be done, God will help me defeat Satan’s temptation, and settle all difficulties.
Afterward, when I faced Satan’s temptation, I’d quiet my heart before God, pray, rely on God, call out to God unceasingly, and wish God to help me defeat Satan’s attack and temptation. When I had some cooperation, I felt God’s mercy and grace toward me, saw His miraculous deeds. God’s words guided me through the temptation, enlightened me, gave me faith and strength. Unknowingly, I defeated Satan’s temptation, and start to live out some likeness of an honest person.
Later, after my father, brother, and I had an open heart fellowship in one gathering, I felt more released and free. God says: “You first need to recognize which things are evil, what their dangers are, why Satan does these things, what changes happen within people who accept these things, what poisons they are susceptible to, what they can turn into, what kind of person God requires man to be, which things are of normal humanity, which are positive and which are negative….” God’s words lead me to the right path of practice: After we’re corrupted by Satan, we don’t know how to differentiate what is negative and what is positive, nor do we know what a normal humanity requires, and what God’s will is; we don’t understand all those things. So, when facing with the social trends of evil nowadays, we’re unable to resist and go with the stream. Tempted and harmed by Satan, we humans become more and more degenerate and corrupted, lost our humanity and reason and a normal human life, walking on a road of no return toward ruination. God’s words let me understand how Satan corrupts us, how to differentiate positive and negative things, what type of people God likes, and what kind of life a human should have. When undergoing temptations, I’ve learnt how to search for the truth, rely on God, and look up to God, and start to live a more and more normal life in humanity. I thank God from the bottom of my heart!