I have believed in God for many years, but in the past I had little understanding of God, because I didn’t pursue the truth. When things happened, I seldom relied on God nor looked to God, but just did as I wanted. There was no place for God in my heart. I even misunderstood God and blamed Him when faced with some trials and sufferings. It was not until an accident happened to me that I came to seeand salvation for me, truly experience the authority and power of God’s words and understand the earnest pondering of of me, all of which gave me the confidence to follow the path of believing in God and pursuing the truth.
Diagnosed With Early Menopause, I Couldn’t Accept It
Because my body wasn’t well nursed in confinement, I got serious arthritis and suffered from aches and pains caused by it. I went to see doctors here and there, but couldn’t be cured. One day in June 2012, I heard my relative say that there was an herb to cure arthritis, and I began to eat the herb medicine at once. But three months later, I had no period, so I went to see a doctor. After a careful check, I was told that I wasn’t pregnant. Then I bought some medicine for regulating menstruation in a drug store, and took it for more than a month but I didn’t get any better. After that, I went to a traditional Chinese medical hospital and got some Chinese medicine. I took it for another month, yet it didn’t work and I was getting worse and worse. I began to have memory loss and forgot things. My whole body felt tight and my neck at times seemed to burst. I was too exhausted to stand or sit comfortably, only could lie in the bed with no appetite at all. At that time, I was in bad mood every day and felt upset and depressed. What’s more, my skin was getting darker and my face was beginning to wrinkle. One day, one of my relatives saw me with great surprise, “I haven’t seen you in a few days! Why do you look so old now? Look like in your forties or fifties.” My relative’s words hurt me worse. I could only comfort myself that it was my disease that made me so. I would recover when the disease was cured.
In the first month of the lunar year of 2013, I went to see a doctor in the Women and Children’s Hospital. The doctor diagnosed me with early menopause and asked: “What medicine have you taken?” I answered honestly. The doctor said: “I have met more than ten patients with this disease caused by the same herb medicine. There’s a patient younger than you. I prescribed her some medicine for six months but failed to cure her. The disease is difficult to cure.” Hearing his words, I felt weak at the knees with fear. I was quite confused and stupefied. I felt as if it were the end of the world. My mind went blank: I am only in my thirties. How come I get this disease? Can it be cured?
After I returned home, I locked myself in my room. I was in no mood to talk with my family or to eat. Lying in the bed with tears bathing the cheeks every day, I was really unwilling to accept this reality. I kept thinking to myself: Is there any possibility that the hospital got a problem with their machine and the results are inaccurate? Then I visited a specialist in the People’s Hospital, hoping against hope that my illness was not serious, but the results were the same. I felt utterly desperate.
I Found Something to Rely on in God’s Words When I Was Helpless
Since then, I lived in misery and cried all day long. I thought: Why am I so unlucky? Why did such thing happen to me? Now I even look older than my mother-in-law. How can I go out and meet others? I even thought about suicide to free myself from the pain that I was in. Just then I suddenly thought of God. Right! Why don’t I rely on God? Thinking of this, I seemed to have clutched at a straw. I immediately came before God and prayed to Him: “O God! I felt terrible. I’m only in my thirties, but I am at the change of life. How should I live in future? O God! I beg You to save me.”
Later, I read God’s words saying: “Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well. If you have but one breath, God will not let you die. … The word of God is sweet indeed!is potent medicine! Put to shame the devils and Satan! If we grasp God’s word we will have support and His word will quickly save our hearts! It dispels all things and sets all in peace.” “God’s intentions are contained therein whether one is ill or not. If one does not understand God’s intentions when they fall ill, they will not know how to practice, thinking that it was caused by their own foolishness. Do they not know that God’s good intentions lie therein? It is never a coincidence when a major illness befalls you and makes you feel like you would rather be dead.” God’s words carry authority and power, giving me confidence and making me at ease. Reflecting on what I had done these days, I found that it wasn’t a terminal disease, yet I had been much tormented by it and even thought about suicide. In my heart, I felt negative and despairing, and even misunderstood and complained against God, thinking that it was bad luck that I got such a disease. I was always thinking that I got the disease because I had taken the wrong medicine. So I blamed myself every day, but I didn’t come before God to seek and grasp His will, hence unhappy every day. How foolish I was! Although I was a believer, I didn’t have God in my heart. In addition, I often distanced myself from God and didn’t have a proper relationship with Him. How could I even seem at all like a believer?
Then I read another passage of God’s words saying: “Once you have attained results from eating and drinking God’s words, and your spiritual life has become normal, and you are able to eat and drink God’s words as normal, pray as normal, carry on your church life as normal, regardless of the trials that you may face, the circumstances that you may encounter, the sickness of the flesh that you may endure, the estrangement of brothers and sisters, or difficulties in your family—if you can reach this point, then it shows that you are on the right track.” These words showed me the path of practice: Whatever I am faced with, I should seek and understandand keep a proper relationship with God. I shouldn’t be constrained by the disease but should try to live in front of God and perform my duty properly. I should read God’s words, pray and attend meetings regularly. In the church, if there is something that needs me to cooperate, I will do it. I should obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements.
Having understood God’s will, I was refreshed and inspired to exercise myself for entry. As long as there was something for me to do in the church, I would try my best to do it. Whenever I was free, I would read God’s words. Whatever happened to me, I would seek and pray to God. Unknowingly, I felt much relieved and not that tired. I had strength. I thought to myself: It seems that my disease can be cured. Hence, I performed my duty even more ardently.
God’s Words Revealed My Intentions to Make a Deal With God and I Was Full of Remorse
More than twenty days raced by. One day, I suddenly felt pain all over my body. I was so weak and feeble that I slumped onto the bed. Unconsciously, I became a little negative, thinking: I have been actively performing my duty these days and I didn’t decline any need from the church. I thought I should be better and seem to recover soon. Why do I feel so bad now? I heard that some brothers and sisters were cured by praying to God and relying on God after they got cancer or some other incurable diseases. What have got into my illness? Why am I not getting better? Should I go to a big hospital? There should be a place to cure my illness. But on second thought, I remembered the specialists in the two hospitals said the disease was incurable. Never had I heard any doctor curing early menopause. It seemed that there was no hope of curing the disease. At that time, I completely lost confidence in God and dwelt in sickness. I was depressed every day. The more I thought about my disease, the more despairing I was. Especially when looking out of the window at the swinging withered grass in the wind, I felt so desolate and wretched, and the feeling increased at the sight of my wrinkled face in the mirror. In helplessness, I knelt down on the bed and prayed: “O God! When will my disease be cured? It is affecting my duties. O God! I feel such extreme pain in my heart. Please lead me and save me.”
After the prayer, I read God’s words saying: “I’ve discovered that, regardless of what happens to them, or what they’re dealing with, people always protect their own interests and look out for their own flesh, and they always look for reasons or excuses that serve them. They are without the slightest truth, and everything they do is in order to justify their own flesh and in consideration of their own prospects. They all claim grace from God, trying to gain whatever advantage they can. And why do they make excessive demands of God? This proves that people are naturally greedy. They are not possessed of any sense before God, and in everything they do—whether they are praying or communing or preaching—in what they pursue, and in their inner thoughts and their desires, they make demands of God and claim things from Him, hoping to gain something from Him. … There’s no sense in making demands of God; if you truly believed in Him and truly believed that He is God, then you would not dare to make demands of Him, nor would you be qualified to make demands of Him, whether they be reasonable or not. If you have true belief, and believe that He is God, then you will have no choice but to worship and obey Him.” God’s words were like a sword and completely revealed the contemptible intentions deep within my heart. I reflected on what I had done in the past 20 days. I actively cooperated with the work of the church on the surface, thinking that I was loyal to God and had faith in Him. In fact, I was merely wanting Him to quickly cure my illness and help me break away from the torment. So when I found my disease hadn’t been cured, I felt depressed and despairing. I even complained to God and misunderstood Him. Then I didn’t have any drive in my heart when performing my duty. It turned out that I performed my duty so as to receive grace and get treatment from God. I was not willing to perform my duty. Wasn’t I doing a deal with God with ulterior motive? We humans were created by God and our life came from Him. Being a corrupted human being, I was not qualified to strike bargains or make demands of God. I was so unreasonable. The more I thought about that, the more I felt that I didn’t regard God as God, although I was a believer. I felt ashamed to face God. Only then did I realize that my view on believing in God was wrong. So I established my resolve in the presence of God: I will come around. I will not request God according to my needs. Whether my disease is cured or not, I will obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements and fulfill the duty of a created being to repay God’s love.
Miracles Occurred After I Obeyed God’s Orchestrations, Through Which I Felt the Love From God
Thanked God for letting me understand His will. Since then, I put my disease into God’s hands. I often gathered together and lived the church life with my brothers and sisters. Gradually, my humor became good and there were smiles on my face. I didn’t look worried any longer. Sometimes, I felt worried about my illness, but I would at once realize Satan used this to cause me to complain against and resist God. I shouldn’t be fooled by it but should satisfy God even if my illness couldn’t be cured. So I quieted my heart in the presence of God. As I read God’s words, I tried to figure out His intentions and prayed in silence: “O God! My illness is in Your hands. I will recover if You permit. If the disease can’t be cured and be with me all my life, I won’t complain. I’m willing to submit myself, pursue the truth to change my satanic dispositions and satisfy You by performing my duty well.” In this way, I defeated the thoughts from Satan through praying and seeking in God’s words. One day afterwards, I accidently found that I had period again. At that time, I burst into tears of joy. I kept thanking God in my heart. In the experience, I saw God’s almightiness and dominance and the authority and capacity of God’s words. God says: “Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well.” “God’s word is potent medicine! Put to shame the devils and Satan! If we grasp God’s word we will have support and His word will quickly save our hearts! It dispels all things and sets all in peace.” These words are too practical. While the doctors said early menopause was incurable, I was cured by God when I put God’s words into practice, reversed my view of conducting transactions with God and experienced God’s work with a submissive heart toward Him. It took me merely twenty days or so from being diagnosed with early menopause to being cured, during which I saw God’s wondrous deeds. God is so wise and so almighty! Although the environment that God arranged for me was at odds with my conception, it was the best. If I hadn’t taken the wrong medicine, I wouldn’t have come before God in prayer nor tried to grasp God’s will. Neither would I have had the chance to put God’s words into practice nor appreciated the authenticity and the reality of God’s words.
In the following days, my face gradually had the glow of health and my memory returned. My version wasn’t blurred any longer. What was more wonderful was that my hard-to-treat arthritis was cured, too. One day on the street, a friend whom I hadn’t met for a long time said: “How come you look four or five years younger than before?” Some days later, I came across an acquaintance. He said: “You look so good.” In fact, I clearly knew in my heart that it was because of God’s care and protection and wondrous deeds.
Thank God! Before I underwent such trials, I didn’t treat believing in God as important at all. I didn’t seek the truth, either. Nor did I have confidence in God. I just followed the crowd. However, in this experience, I realized my contemptible intentions of believing in God and saw God’s wondrous deeds, which made me no longer follow the crowd to. I truly realized that as a believer, I should obey and revere God. All glory be to God! Amen!
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