I Was Diagnosed With Early Menopause in My Thirties
I have believed in God for many years, but in the past I had little understanding of God because I didn’t pursue the truth. When things happened, I seldom relied on God or looked to God, but just did as I wanted. There was no place for God in my heart. I even misunderstood God, and blamed Him when I faced some trials and hardships. It was not until an accident happened to me that I came to seeand salvation for me, truly experience the authority and power of God’s words and understand the earnestness in of me, all of which gave me the confidence to follow the path of believing in God and pursuing the truth.
I Was Diagnosed With Early Menopause but Couldn’t Accept It
Because I didn’t look after my body after giving birth, I got serious arthritis and suffered from the aches and pains caused by it. I went to see doctors here and there, but couldn’t be cured. One day in June 2012, I heard a relative say that there was an herb to cure arthritis, so I began to eat the herbal medicine at once. But three months later, my period didn’t come, so I went to see a doctor. After a careful check, I was told that I wasn’t pregnant. Then I bought some medicine for regulating menstruation in a drug store, and took it for more than a month, but I didn’t get any better. After that, I went to a traditional Chinese medical hospital and got some Chinese medicine. I took it for another month, yet that didn’t work either, and I was getting worse and worse. I began to have memory loss and forgot things. My whole body felt tight, and my neck at times felt like it was going burst. I was too exhausted to stand or sit comfortably, and I could only lie in bed, with no appetite at all. At that time, I was in a bad mood every day and felt upset and depressed. What’s more, my skin was getting darker and my face was beginning to wrinkle. One day, one of my relatives saw me, and said with great surprise, “It was only a few days ago that I last saw you! Why do you look so old now? You look like you’re in your forties or fifties.” My relative’s words made my suffering even worse. I could only comfort myself that it was my disease that made me like that. I would recover when the disease was cured.
In the first month of the lunar year of 2013, I went to see a doctor in the Women and Children’s Hospital. The doctor diagnosed me with early menopause and asked: “What medicine have you taken?” I answered honestly. The doctor said: “I have met more than ten patients with this disease caused by the same herbal medicine. There’s a patient younger than you. I prescribed her some medicine for six months but it failed to cure her. The disease is difficult to cure.” Hearing his words, I felt weak at the knees through fear. I was quite confused and stupefied. I felt as if it were the end of the world. My mind went blank: I was only in my thirties. How come I got this disease? Could it be cured?
After I returned home, I locked myself in my room. I was in no mood to talk with my family or to eat. I lay in bed with tears bathing my cheeks every day as I was totally unwilling to accept this reality. I kept thinking to myself: “Is there any possibility that the hospital’s equipment malfunctioned and the results are inaccurate?” Then I visited a specialist in the People’s Hospital, hoping against hope that my illness was not serious, but the results were the same. I felt utterly desperate.
I Found Something to Rely on in God’s Words When I Was Helpless
After that, I lived in misery and cried all day long. I thought: “Why am I so unlucky? Why did such a thing happen to me? Now I look even older than my mother-in-law. How can I go out and face society?” I even thought about suicide to free myself from the pain that I was in. That was when I suddenly thought of God. That’s right! Why didn’t I rely on God? Thinking of this, it seemed like there was a sliver of hope. I immediately came before God and prayed to Him: “O God! I feel terrible. I’m only in my thirties, but my menopause has come already. How will I be able to face the future? O God! I beg You to save me.”
Later, I read God’s words saying: “Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well. So long as you still have one breath, God will not let you die. …is potent medicine! It puts to shame the devils and Satan! Grasping God’s word gives us support. His word acts fast to save our hearts! It dispels all things and sets all at peace.” “Sometimes, people think to themselves, ‘Was this illness caused by my own stupidity, or is God’s will behind it?’ Some sicknesses are normal, like when you catch a cold or suffer from excessive internal heat, or you have the flu. But with any serious illness—when you are struck down with sickness, and when, out of nowhere, life becomes unbearable—that kind of sensation or illness does not happen by accident. ” God’s words always carry authority and power, and gave me confidence and made me feel at ease. Reflecting on how I had reacted, I found that it although it wasn’t a terminal disease, I had been much tormented by it and even thought about suicide. In my heart, I felt negative and despairing, and even misunderstood and complained to God, thinking that it was bad luck that I got such a disease. I was always thinking that I got the disease because I had taken the wrong medicine. So I blamed myself every day, but I didn’t come before God to seek and grasp His will, hence I was unhappy every day. How foolish I was! Although I was a believer, I didn’t have God in my heart. In addition, I often distanced myself from God and didn’t have a proper relationship with Him. Was I at all like a true believer?
Then I read another passage of God’s words saying: “If you eat and drink of God’s words effectively, your spiritual life becomes normal, and regardless of what trials you may face, what circumstances you may encounter, what physical ailments you may endure, what estrangement from brothers and sisters or family difficulties you may experience, you are able to eat and drink of God’s words normally, pray normally, and carry on with your church life normally; if you can achieve all of this, it will show that you are on the right track.” These words showed me the path of practice: Whatever I am faced with, I should seek and understand God’s will and keep a proper relationship with God. I shouldn’t be constrained by the disease, but should try to live in front of God and perform my duties properly. I should read God’s words, pray and attend meetings regularly. In the church, if there is something that needs me to get involved with, I will do it. I should obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements.
Having understood God’s will, I was refreshed and inspired to start training myself for entry. As long as there was something for me to do in the church, I would try my best to do it. Whenever I was free, I would read God’s words. Whatever happened to me, I would seek and pray to God. Almost without realizing it, I felt very relieved and not that tired. I had strength. I thought to myself that maybe my disease could be cured. Hence, I performed my duties even more ardently.
God’s Words Revealed My Intentions to Make a Deal With God, and I Was Full of Remorse
More than twenty days raced by. One day, I suddenly felt pain all over my body. I was so weak and feeble that I slumped onto the bed. Unconsciously, I became a little negative, and thought: “I have been actively performing my duties these days and I didn’t decline any requests from the church. I thought I was getting better and would recover soon. Why do I feel so bad now? I’ve heard that some brothers and sisters were cured by praying to God and relying on God after they got cancer or some other incurable diseases. What’s happening with my illness? Why am I not getting better? Should I go to a big hospital? There should be a place where they can cure my illness.” But on second thoughts, I remembered the specialists in the two hospitals said the disease was incurable, and never had I heard of any doctor curing early menopause. It seemed that there was no hope of curing the disease. At that time, I completely lost confidence in God and spent every day depressed and dwelling in my sickness. The more I thought about my disease, the more despairing I was. I felt particularly desolate and wretched when looking out of the window at the withered grass swaying in the wind, and the feeling increased at the sight of my wrinkled face in the mirror. In helplessness, I knelt down on the bed and prayed: “O God! When will my disease be cured? It is affecting my duties. O God! I feel such extreme pain in my heart. Please lead me and save me.”
After the prayer, I read God’s words saying: “I’ve discovered that, regardless of what happens to them, or what they’re dealing with, people always protect their own interests and look out for their own flesh, and they always look for reasons or excuses that serve them. They are without the slightest truth, and everything they do is in order to justify their own flesh and in consideration of their own prospects. They all claim grace from God, trying to gain whatever advantage they can. And why do they make excessive demands of God? This proves that people are naturally greedy. They are not possessed of any sense before God, and in everything they do—whether they are praying or communing or preaching—in what they pursue, and in their inner thoughts and their desires, they make demands of God and claim things from Him, hoping to gain something from Him. … To make demands of God is senseless; if you truly believe that He is God, then you will not dare to make demands of Him, nor will you be qualified to make demands of Him, whether they be reasonable or not. If you have true faith, and believe that He is God, then you will have no choice but to worship and obey Him.” God’s words were like a sword that cut to deep within my heart and completely revealed the contemptible intentions there. I reflected on what I had done in the past 20 days. I’d actively cooperated with the work of the church on the surface, thinking that I was being loyal to God and had faith in Him. In fact, I had merely wanted Him to quickly cure my illness and help me break free from the torment. So when I found my disease hadn’t been cured, I felt depressed and despairing. I even complained to God and misunderstood Him, and I didn’t have any real drive when performing my duties. It turned out that I’d performed my duties so as to receive grace and get treatment from God, not because I was really willing to perform my duties. Wasn’t I doing a deal with God with an ulterior motive? We humans were created by God and our lives come from Him. Being a corrupted human being, I was not qualified to strike bargains or make demands of God. I was so unreasonable. The more I thought about that, the more I felt that I didn’t regard God as God, although I was a believer. I felt ashamed to face God. Only then did I realize that my view on believing in God was wrong. So I established a new resolve in the presence of God: I will come around. Regardless of my needs I will not request anything of God. Whether my disease is cured or not, I will obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements and fulfill the duties of a created being to repay God’s love.
Miracles Occurred After I Obeyed God’s Orchestrations, Through Which I Felt God’s Love
Thank God for letting me understand His will! After that, I put my disease into God’s hands. I often gathered together and lived the church life with my brothers and sisters. Gradually, my mood improved and there were smiles on my face. I didn’t look worried any longer. Sometimes, I felt worried about my illness, but I would at once realize Satan used this to cause me to complain to and resist God. I shouldn’t be fooled by it, but should satisfy God even if my illness couldn’t be cured. So I quieted my heart in the presence of God. As I read God’s words, I tried to figure out His intentions and prayed in silence: “O God! My illness is in Your hands. I will recover if You permit it. If the disease can’t be cured and stays with me all my life, I won’t complain. I’m willing to submit myself, pursue the truth to change my satanic disposition and satisfy You by performing my duties well.” In this way, I defeated all satanic thoughts through praying and seeking in God’s words. One day afterwards, I unexpectedly found that my period had come again. At that time, I burst into tears of joy. I kept thanking God with all my heart. Through this experience, I saw God’s almightiness and dominance and the authority and capacity of God’s words. God says: “Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well.” “God’s word is potent medicine! It puts to shame the devils and Satan! Grasping God’s word gives us support. His word acts fast to save our hearts! It dispels all things and sets all at peace.” These words are so practical! While the doctors said early menopause was incurable, I was cured by God when I put God’s words into practice, got rid of my attempts to conduct transactions with God and experienced God’s work with a submissive heart toward Him. It took me merely twenty days or so from being diagnosed with early menopause to being cured, during which I saw God’s wondrous deeds. God is so wise and so almighty! Although the situation that God arranged for me was at odds with my conceptions, it turned out for the best. If I hadn’t taken the wrong medicine, I wouldn’t have come before God in prayer nor tried to grasp God’s will. Neither would I have had the chance to put God’s words into practice nor appreciate the authenticity and the reality of God’s words.
In the following days, my face gradually recovered the glow of health and my memory returned. My vision wasn’t blurred any longer. What was more wonderful was that my hard-to-treat arthritis was cured, too. One day on the street, a friend whom I hadn’t met for a long time said: “How come you look four or five years younger than before?” Some days later, I came across an acquaintance. He said: “You look so good.” In fact, I clearly knew in my heart that it was all because of God’s care and protection and wondrous deeds.
Thank God! Before I underwent such trials, I didn’t treat believing in God as important at all. I didn’t seek the truth, either. Nor did I have confidence in God. I just followed the crowd. However, through this experience, I realized my contemptible intentions in believing in God and saw God’s wondrous deeds, which made me no longer follow the crowd. I truly realized that as a believer, I should obey and revere God. All glory be to God! Amen!